sorry about springin that on you

i hope it's not too late for me to retrain my daughter to NOT talk about every single thing that is going on in her life. I for years have had that very bad habit and now I am starting to regret it. You see, when you talk and talk and talk to your friends and family about how much it hurts to be in love with someone you can't be with the way everyone thinks is normal and acceptable, don't be upset with the reaction you get when you show up with that person at a party.

To my friends, I'm sorry. I know it upset you. It's my fault. You only know what i have told you and unfortunately most of what i have told you has been painful. it's hard for me to talk about how wonderful i feel when i'm with him, how loved i feel, how safe, how wanted, how accepted, how complete i feel when i'm with him. i know what i've done by only talking about the hard times. i've made him into some sort of evil, ugly asshole. my blabber mouth has turned the man i love into someone that my friends and family hate.

this really sucks. i am such a jackass for putting people i care about into an awkward, uncomfortable situation. for that i am so sorry to everyone involved.

thank you for caring enough about me to be pissed at me for showing up with someone that i have cried on your shoulder about. and thank you for trying your best to be decent to him and for not stabbing him in the eye. i really appreciate that!

i love him. for that i am not sorry. sometimes in life unconventional relationships form. while i can't be with him the way society and my friends and family want me to be, i would rather be with him this way then be without him. the times that i have cut him out of my life i have felt like i was going to die. i am not just sad over a breakup. i want to stop living. the pain of being separated from him is unbearable. the pain of having the sort of relationship that we have pales at the way i feel when we leave each other. if others could experience the way i feel when his hand is in mine, maybe they would understand why i can't just move on. there is no moving on from that feeling. there is no moving on from love.