"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."- Carl Jung
I have come across this concept several times in my personal journey: the idea that something that bothers me about someone else is a reflection of something in me that I need to work on. I have found this idea one of the more difficult to get a grasp on, but thank goodness the Universe keeps sending me opportunities to figure out exactly what it means.
This lesson is currently coming in the form of a couple of people that are bugging the living crap out of me. I find that our difference of opinion and our view on certain events is so far separated, it's almost as if we are talking about completely different things. I KNOW what I am talking about, but I have no idea what they are thinking or talking about. I truly cannot grasp how they see these events so differently then I do. It's almost twilight zone-esque. Baffling.
I have been trying to figure out what it means to see myself in them, to see their behavior, thoughts, ideas, etc as a reflection of something I need to work on in myself, but the concept is so inconceivable: that what annoys me the most about them is reflecting something inside me that is just like them. The first person is so blind to the second person's actions and attitude, and the second person is completely self-centered, selfish and condescending. I used to see said second person the same way the first person does, but a few years ago I began to see chinks in the armor, and eventually the entire facade fell apart and I realized the pedestal this person was placed upon was entirely made of bullshit. Now, that is not second person's fault...we cannot help what other's think of us, it is not our responsibility if other's see us as deities when deities we are not. It was very painful for me to accept the fact that this person was indeed a real person and not the golden child I had believed. But I learned to accept that person in this new light, and I moved on, or tried to. Now my dislike for this person is all based on this person's own merit, not on the opinions of others! It's very freeing! My question about this is: how is the selfishness, the self-centeredness, the arrogance, the uncaring nature of this person, how is THAT a reflection of me?
I am starting to see how fear of discovering what I have discovered about the this person may be keeping the other one in the cocoon of admiration: the pain of realizing someone isn't who they think that person is could be preventing them from seeing the truth. That helps me to let go of some of my judgement and frustration, but letting go completely has been challenging, especially after hearing the edited version of events as the first person sees them. Regardless of the differences in the view of events between this person and me, I am still pondering how the aspects of these two folks that I find so annoying, so disturbing, so grossly different from me could be reflecting a part of me that I need to work on. Oh, I have no doubt that I am just as annoying and disturbing to them. I'm alright with that, I am not worried about how other's see me anymore. I know that how they see me is on them and has nothing to do with me. I am searching for my own truth by way of the Universe's lesson that is being presented to me using these two people.
This weekend my daughter and I saw "The Host". It was an adaption of a book written by Stephenie Meyer. The concept is Earth has been taken over by an alien race that implants themselves into humans, essentially kicking the human soul out and using the body to save the planet. The alien race views themselves as peaceful, they do not lie, they trust each other completely, and they do not resort to violence. The aliens have eliminated most human souls and have saved the planet from all the damage we humans have done to it and it is now thriving, the ozone layer has recovered, air pollution is gone, all species (except human) are flourishing, etc. Of course there is a small band of rebel humans that are fighting to survive while hiding from the alien invaders. This movie resonated with me this way: you can't force anyone to do something they are not ready to do even if you think it is for their best interest or for the greater good, no matter how much it has helped you; and sometimes giving up the fight is the simplest thing to do to get someone/something out of your head. I felt grateful and peaceful after watching "The Host". It stirred up thoughts in my mind that eventually connected me to the answers I have been searching for in this lesson the Universe has been trying to teach me. When I least expected it, I realized that the aspects of myself that were reflecting back at me from the two people who I had found so baffling and completely disturbing were A) My need to prove myself right; and B) My need to defend myself against those that don't accept me. The things that annoy AND enrage me about these two people are things that brought these negative aspects of myself up to the surface so that I could acknowledge them and let them go. It isn't that I am like them somewhere deep inside...it's my reaction to them that needed to be addressed.
My need to prove myself right and my need to defend myself against those that don't accept me...I am very thankful to the people in my life that are helping me let go of these two needs, even if they don't know they are helping me. In their attempt to hurt me and prove me wrong, they have opened my eyes to answers that have eluded me. I can't force anyone to see the truth because it is my truth, and by giving up the fight I can quietly get them out of my mind. In knowing that I don't have to prove myself to anyone and there is nothing to defend, I have found peace.
