How have your felt judged by others? How have you judged others? What judgments have you observed? Think about it, next time you're in traffic or in line at the grocery store and you are thinking about someone near you in a less then kind way, or getting an impression about them just from how they are dressed or how they stand or if their hair is neat or a big mess, whether that person is a stranger to you or you've known them for your entire life, how are you judging them? Do you think thoughts about yourself when you look in the mirror? How are you judging yourself? These are just a few examples of how I have been judged, how I have judged others, judgments I have observed, and how I have judged myself. What can you add to the list?
Judge me because I'm gay.
Judge me because I'm straight.
Judge me because I'm female.
Judge me because I'm male.
Judge me because I'm white.
Judge me because I'm black.
Judge me because I have brown hair.
Judge me because I have no hair.
Judge me because I'm extremely hairy.
Judge me because I have brown eyes.
Judge me because I'm blind.
Judge me because I have freckles.
Judge me because my teeth are crooked.
Judge me because my teeth are straight.
Judge me because I'm thin.
Judge me because I'm overweight.
Judge me because I eat meat.
Judge me because I don't eat meat.
Judge me because I smoke weed.
Judge me because I smoke cigarettes.
Judge me because I don't smoke.
Judge me because I'm Christian.
Judge me because I'm not Christian.
Judge me because I'm Muslim.
Judge me because I'm Jewish.
Judge me because I'm atheist.
Judge me because I'm poor.
Judge me because I'm wealthy.
Judge me because I'm blond.
Judge me because I'm a foreigner.
Judge me because my nails are long.
Judge me because I chew my nails.
Judge me because I cuss.
Judge me because I am well-spoken.
Judge me because I didn't graduate high school.
Judge me because I didn't go to college.
Judge me because I went to college.
Judge me because I run.
Judge me because I don't run.
Judge me because I have red hair.
Judge me because I don't go to church.
Judge me because I go to church.
Judge me because I don't have a job.
Judge me because of the job I have.
Judge me because my car is black.
Judge me because my car is old.
Judge me because my car is brand new.
Judge me because I own my home.
Judge me because I am homeless.
Judge me because I rent.
Judge me because I still live with my parents.
Judge me because I love football.
Judge me because I don't understand sports.
Judge me because I drive a big 4x4 pickup truck.
Judge me because I drive a rice burner.
Judge me because I ride a motorcycle.
Judge me because I joined the military.
Judge me because I didn't join the military.
Judge me because I have a beard.
Judge me because I have acne.
Judge me because I wear tight pants.
Judge me because I my pants are loose.
Judge me because I love guns.
Judge me because I hate guns.
Judge me because I have an accent.
Judge me because I live in the city.
Judge me because I live on a farm.
Judge me because I drink alcohol.
Judge me because I hate beer.
Judge me because my hair is long.
Judge me because I don't say Thank You.
Judge me because I don't recycle.
Judge me because I recycle.
Judge me because I eat fast food.
Judge me because I grow my own food.
Judge me because I'm a dog person.
Judge me because I'm a cat person.
Judge me because I don't like animals.
Judge me because I have tattoos.
Judge me because I pierced my nose.
Judge me because I'm a witch.
Judge me because I'm a bitch.
Judge me because I'm a virgin.
Judge me because I like sex.
Judge me because I hate myself.
Judge me because I love myself.
Judge me because I exercise.
Judge me because I'm a couch potato.
Judge me because I wear revealing clothes.
Judge me because I wear a lot of makeup.
Judge me because I don't wear makeup.
Judge me because my clothes cover me up.
Judge me because I'm tall.
Judge me because I'm short.
Judge me because I'm political.
Judge me because I have no interest in politics.
Judge me because I say Happy Holidays.
Judge me because I use styrofoam.
Judge me because I have an iphone.
Judge me because I'm right.
Judge me because I'm wrong.
Judge me because I struggle.
Judge me because I am successful.
Judge me because I'm healthy.
Judge me because I have a disease.
Judge me because I'm happy.
Judge me because I'm sad.
Judge me because I love to laugh.
Judge me because I take things seriously.
Judge me because nothing is serious to me.
Judge me because I talk loud.
Judge me because I'm talented.
Judge me because I'm opinionated.
Judge me because I'm single.
Judge me because I'm married.
Judge me because I'm divorced.
Judge me because I have children.
Judge me because I don't have children.
Judge me because I never want children.
Judge me because I'm a loner.
Judge me because I have a busy social life.
Judge me because I talk with a lisp.
Judge me because I drive fast.
Judge me because I drive slow.
Judge me because I have a big butt.
Judge me because I have a tiny hiney.
Judge me because I learn at a slower pace.
Judge me because I'm a genius.
Judge me because I've gotten into trouble with the law.
Judge me because I have changed.
Judge me because I'm the same as I've always been.
Judge me because I am conservative.
Judge me because I am liberal.
Judge me because I'm an extremist.
Judge me because of the music I listen to.
Judge me because I play video games.
Judge me because I skate.
Judge me because I'm in a wheelchair.
Judge me because I have a lot.
Judge me because I have nothing.
Judge me because I was given everything I have.
Judge me because I have earned everything I have.
Judge me because I'm optimistic.
Judge me because I'm pessimistic.
Judge me because I'm a girl who likes to dress like a boy.
Judge me because I'm a boy who has more fashion sense than most girls.
Judge me because I look like one but feel like the other.
Judge me because I like things neat and tidy.
Judge me because I'm a slob.
Judge me because I care what celebs are doing.
Judge me because I pay no attention to famous people.
Judge me because I'm different than you.
Judge me because I think we are all the same.
Friday, December 20, 2013
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Stop telling me what to do, or what NOT to do.
I ate a big, HUGE taco salad today and now I feel like shit. I knew I would when I made the personal choice to eat it. I knew it would be sitting in my guts like a rock all day, yet I still chose to eat that delicious, artery-blocking, fart-producing, fat-ass-making taco salad. It was my personal choice and I'm paying for it, dearly! Maybe the government should ban taco salads! THAT will keep me from eating them, since I'm too stupid to know that the choice I am making right now will make me feel bad later. Thank you!
We should be allowed to make personal choices. If I want to eat a big, fat taco salad, I am allowed. If I want to smoke a cigarette while drinking a shot of whiskey, I am allowed (I do neither). If I want to stick a needle full of heroine into my arm, or sit around all weekend smoking meth and not eating, or snorting cocaine up my nose, or having sex for money, or paying for sex, or carry a gun everywhere I go (this is a HUGE change for me, I used to be sooooo anti-gun it was ridiculous), I should be allowed. If we allowed people to make personal choices, no matter what the consequences of those choices, maybe our choice-making would be a little bit more careful. Maybe not. Either way, if someone chooses to do something that they know can kill them, let them! 200+ plus people have died climbing Mt. Everest. They choose to pay $25,000 just for the permit to climb a mountain that they know may kill them. They are allowed to do this! Will I ever do it? Hell NO! It makes absolutely no sense to me. But hey, if you want to risk your life, go for it! Will I ever do heroine? Hell NO! It makes absolutely no sense to me. Again, if you want to risk your life for a quick high, do it. It is just my opinion that laws against personal choice should be abolished. If a person's choice brings harm only to themselves, then that person should be allowed to do it. Stop telling me what to do, or actually what NOT to do!
Laws that protect everyone else are needed...traffic laws, laws against rape, murder, incest, any law that makes it illegal for one person to bring harm to another, keep those laws. Any law that prevents me from making a choice that may or may not bring harm to myself, get rid of those. Yes I know, a lot of people are affected when someone dies of an overdose, it's not just the individual who died. I'm sorry, I totally get that. But it doesn't change my mind. I don't want my son to smoke but he does. Am I afraid he is going to die? You betcha I am! But he is making an educated decision. He isn't stupid. Just like me when I ate that taco salad today, I knew I would feel like shit later. But it was my personal choice. I just wish people would stop trying to control everything everyone else does. If you don't want to do it, then don't. But let me make my own decision!
We should be allowed to make personal choices. If I want to eat a big, fat taco salad, I am allowed. If I want to smoke a cigarette while drinking a shot of whiskey, I am allowed (I do neither). If I want to stick a needle full of heroine into my arm, or sit around all weekend smoking meth and not eating, or snorting cocaine up my nose, or having sex for money, or paying for sex, or carry a gun everywhere I go (this is a HUGE change for me, I used to be sooooo anti-gun it was ridiculous), I should be allowed. If we allowed people to make personal choices, no matter what the consequences of those choices, maybe our choice-making would be a little bit more careful. Maybe not. Either way, if someone chooses to do something that they know can kill them, let them! 200+ plus people have died climbing Mt. Everest. They choose to pay $25,000 just for the permit to climb a mountain that they know may kill them. They are allowed to do this! Will I ever do it? Hell NO! It makes absolutely no sense to me. But hey, if you want to risk your life, go for it! Will I ever do heroine? Hell NO! It makes absolutely no sense to me. Again, if you want to risk your life for a quick high, do it. It is just my opinion that laws against personal choice should be abolished. If a person's choice brings harm only to themselves, then that person should be allowed to do it. Stop telling me what to do, or actually what NOT to do!
Laws that protect everyone else are needed...traffic laws, laws against rape, murder, incest, any law that makes it illegal for one person to bring harm to another, keep those laws. Any law that prevents me from making a choice that may or may not bring harm to myself, get rid of those. Yes I know, a lot of people are affected when someone dies of an overdose, it's not just the individual who died. I'm sorry, I totally get that. But it doesn't change my mind. I don't want my son to smoke but he does. Am I afraid he is going to die? You betcha I am! But he is making an educated decision. He isn't stupid. Just like me when I ate that taco salad today, I knew I would feel like shit later. But it was my personal choice. I just wish people would stop trying to control everything everyone else does. If you don't want to do it, then don't. But let me make my own decision!
Monday, July 15, 2013
what I SHOULD have said is....
I've starting to get less irritated when thoughts of particular people come into my head, or a certain thought repeats itself over and over, or a line from a song plays again and again and again, ringing in my ears with it's mysterious message, waiting for me to give it the attention needed to figure out what it's trying to tell me. I'm learning to stop and listen to that thought or song because the sooner I pay attention to it, the sooner I can figure out what it's message is.
One such "random" thought popped into the forefront of my mind today as I was trying to concentrate on anything other then my Dad and what he is going through. As I was attempting to be in the moment by feeling each brush stroke through my hair and sensing the smoothness of my skin under my fingers as I gently spread my facial lotion on, I heard her voice saying "For someone who doesn't believe in God you sure were screaming his name pretty loudly." My hands dropped from my face to the sink and I looked at my reflection and said "Really? You're gonna bring that bitch up NOW?" I quickly retracted the term of endearment and allowed the memory surrounding this question to come through.
It was last summer and my daughter and I had the great pleasure of going to Lake Powell with the "family that I used to consider my second family but now I try very hard not to consider at all". I am not being sarcastic when I refer to it as a great pleasure: it was fantastic! Lake Powell is a beautiful place, the weather was perfect, the water was amazing, and I felt very fortunate to be experiencing such a great weekend. I was out on the tube with my daughter and my two "nieces" being towed behind the boat at what seemed like break-neck speeds. We were being flung from side to side, over the waves and back again. I was holding on for dear life and screaming "Oh Goooooodddddddd!!!!!!" at the top of my lungs! I was having the time of my life! Sure I was scared, but not because I thought I was going to die. I hadn't been tubing for a very long time and the amount of adrenaline pumping through my veins was enough to kill an elephant! Well, maybe not, but I was having a blast! I wasn't screaming "Oh God" because I was praying to "God" to save me from a life-threatening situation. I was screaming it because it's what I do. Believe me, I scream "Oh God" for a LOT of different reasons...for example, the other night I was watching a particularly frightening episode of Ghost Hunters & cried out "Oh my God!" a couple of times! Dirty minds! My point is, even the most adamant of Atheists' uses the term "Oh God" or "Oh my God" or "OMG" several times a day, that doesn't mean they are calling on God. Devout followers of the Ten Commandments would say using this phrase in this way is a sin...yeah, whatever. I don't feel that way so that has no validity for me. I was having an amazing time experiencing something I hadn't done in many years and probably wouldn't do again for many more, and in my excitement and yes, fear, I yelled "Oh Goooooooodddddddddddddd!!!!" very loudly. After being catapulted from the tube and somersaulting over the surface like a skipping stone, I was dragged back onto the boat to catch my breath and remove water from my lungs. This is when the ever-so-kind statement "For someone who doesn't believe in God you sure were screaming his name pretty loudly" was made by the matriarch of the family in the most condescending tone you could imagine.
Now, my question is "Why did this memory pop into my head this morning as I was trying to clear my mind from any thoughts of my Dad's situation?" I still don't know why. I don't know why she continues to pop into my head, going against every effort I have made to never think of her again. I was going through this internal dialog as I continued to get ready for work and realized that there must be some unfinished business to attend to with her and her family and therefore I continue to experience their surprise appearances in my thoughts and dreams. I don't know what the unfinished business is or else I would certainly finish it. Until then I will welcome the random thoughts about her and her three offspring with open arms. Actually I have been trying something lately that has worked wonders: each night before falling asleep I say "I banish the ________ family from my dreams" and I don't dream about them. I know it works because the nights that I forget to say that, they inevitably make an appearance.
You may be wondering how I responded to her statement that day on the boat. I was pretty water-logged and upset because I had lost my glasses in my tumble over the surface of Lake Powell (I know, I know, I shouldn't have been wearing them! Sheesh!). I was checking to make sure I hadn't lost my liver or any of my teeth out in the water so I can't recall exactly what I told her, something like "I never said I don't believe in God. I believe in God very much, just not the Bible-totting, judgmental & punishing God that most people believe in." I don't think the conversation went on very long. This morning I started going through the whole litany of things I SHOULD have said, like "I believe in God more then you do! At least I don't fake it at every holiday dinner and stumble through an awkward prayer thanking our Heavenly Father for the corn when all I really want to say is "It was the aliens!"" or "When's the last time YOU screamed OH God like that?" I stopped my thoughts after allowing a few good jabs to come up, then silently forgave her for being who she is. I look back on that trip now and I release the hatefulness she was expressing and hold onto the gift of the sunset on Lake Powell and the warmth of the water and the wonder of the rock walls as they rise out of the dark blue water. What a weekend it was! Places like that, days like that are perfect examples to me that there is a God, and I am very thankful that I got to experience it.
One such "random" thought popped into the forefront of my mind today as I was trying to concentrate on anything other then my Dad and what he is going through. As I was attempting to be in the moment by feeling each brush stroke through my hair and sensing the smoothness of my skin under my fingers as I gently spread my facial lotion on, I heard her voice saying "For someone who doesn't believe in God you sure were screaming his name pretty loudly." My hands dropped from my face to the sink and I looked at my reflection and said "Really? You're gonna bring that bitch up NOW?" I quickly retracted the term of endearment and allowed the memory surrounding this question to come through.
It was last summer and my daughter and I had the great pleasure of going to Lake Powell with the "family that I used to consider my second family but now I try very hard not to consider at all". I am not being sarcastic when I refer to it as a great pleasure: it was fantastic! Lake Powell is a beautiful place, the weather was perfect, the water was amazing, and I felt very fortunate to be experiencing such a great weekend. I was out on the tube with my daughter and my two "nieces" being towed behind the boat at what seemed like break-neck speeds. We were being flung from side to side, over the waves and back again. I was holding on for dear life and screaming "Oh Goooooodddddddd!!!!!!" at the top of my lungs! I was having the time of my life! Sure I was scared, but not because I thought I was going to die. I hadn't been tubing for a very long time and the amount of adrenaline pumping through my veins was enough to kill an elephant! Well, maybe not, but I was having a blast! I wasn't screaming "Oh God" because I was praying to "God" to save me from a life-threatening situation. I was screaming it because it's what I do. Believe me, I scream "Oh God" for a LOT of different reasons...for example, the other night I was watching a particularly frightening episode of Ghost Hunters & cried out "Oh my God!" a couple of times! Dirty minds! My point is, even the most adamant of Atheists' uses the term "Oh God" or "Oh my God" or "OMG" several times a day, that doesn't mean they are calling on God. Devout followers of the Ten Commandments would say using this phrase in this way is a sin...yeah, whatever. I don't feel that way so that has no validity for me. I was having an amazing time experiencing something I hadn't done in many years and probably wouldn't do again for many more, and in my excitement and yes, fear, I yelled "Oh Goooooooodddddddddddddd!!!!" very loudly. After being catapulted from the tube and somersaulting over the surface like a skipping stone, I was dragged back onto the boat to catch my breath and remove water from my lungs. This is when the ever-so-kind statement "For someone who doesn't believe in God you sure were screaming his name pretty loudly" was made by the matriarch of the family in the most condescending tone you could imagine.
Now, my question is "Why did this memory pop into my head this morning as I was trying to clear my mind from any thoughts of my Dad's situation?" I still don't know why. I don't know why she continues to pop into my head, going against every effort I have made to never think of her again. I was going through this internal dialog as I continued to get ready for work and realized that there must be some unfinished business to attend to with her and her family and therefore I continue to experience their surprise appearances in my thoughts and dreams. I don't know what the unfinished business is or else I would certainly finish it. Until then I will welcome the random thoughts about her and her three offspring with open arms. Actually I have been trying something lately that has worked wonders: each night before falling asleep I say "I banish the ________ family from my dreams" and I don't dream about them. I know it works because the nights that I forget to say that, they inevitably make an appearance.
You may be wondering how I responded to her statement that day on the boat. I was pretty water-logged and upset because I had lost my glasses in my tumble over the surface of Lake Powell (I know, I know, I shouldn't have been wearing them! Sheesh!). I was checking to make sure I hadn't lost my liver or any of my teeth out in the water so I can't recall exactly what I told her, something like "I never said I don't believe in God. I believe in God very much, just not the Bible-totting, judgmental & punishing God that most people believe in." I don't think the conversation went on very long. This morning I started going through the whole litany of things I SHOULD have said, like "I believe in God more then you do! At least I don't fake it at every holiday dinner and stumble through an awkward prayer thanking our Heavenly Father for the corn when all I really want to say is "It was the aliens!"" or "When's the last time YOU screamed OH God like that?" I stopped my thoughts after allowing a few good jabs to come up, then silently forgave her for being who she is. I look back on that trip now and I release the hatefulness she was expressing and hold onto the gift of the sunset on Lake Powell and the warmth of the water and the wonder of the rock walls as they rise out of the dark blue water. What a weekend it was! Places like that, days like that are perfect examples to me that there is a God, and I am very thankful that I got to experience it.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
it's not about God, it's about me
Back in January when I decided to change my way of thinking I started off by doing simple candle spells. I am not Wiccan but I do see the wonderful, positive aspects of it and I am very interested in some of the rituals used in the practice of Wicca. I stuck with simple candle spells, making them even more simple by not doing an entire ritual as rituals can get fairly complicated. Basically what I did was light a white candle and thank the Universe for this day, light a few green candles and thank the Universe for delivering my abundance to me, etc. Sometimes I would recite a particular spell while lighting a green candle, focusing on money coming into my life. I would use different colored candles for different things depending on what I was focusing on, but I rarely did an entire ritual. I found a lot of comfort in seeing a candle burning as I searched for a house or paid my bills, I would find a deeper sense of connection to the Universe as I meditated knowing that I had lit a candle in honor of the desire I was trying to manifest. I may not have been doing the candle magic exactly as was described, but I felt better then I had in a long time so whatever I was doing was working.
Since I've bought my house and moved I haven't done any candle magic and I can tell. I miss seeing my candles burning, I miss the flash of positive energy I get when I notice the light flickering all over the room, I miss the connection to the Universe I feel while giving thanks as I concentrate my thoughts on what I am trying to manifest. A friend of mine let me borrow a book on Advance Rituals and I was reading through some of the steps last night thinking to myself, "I'm not going to put this much effort into this. I just want to light my candle, say a little prayer, and move on with my day." I started thinking that the magic won't work unless I do it exactly as the book says, then this whole conversation started in my head, "Wait, if you don't believe in what Wiccan's believe in, why do their rituals? Besides, if you have faith in the Universe and you know God knows what you want, then you don't have to keep repeating yourself over and over. It's like a kid saying 'Mom, can I have some candy? Mom? Can I have some candy? Can I have some candy Mom? Mom? Please? Mommy??' God doesn't need to be reminded over and over and over again what you want, God is fully aware of all of my wants and needs and will deliver them when the time is right."
This inner dialog continued on as I drove to work, then DING, out of the blue a thought flashed through my mind and shut all the other thoughts up. I was sitting at a red light and had to find a piece of paper to write the thought down before it combined with the rest of the gobbledy-guk in my head. This is exactly what I wrote, "Candles aren't for God, they are for me. They are to remind me that all things are through God, they are to increase my faith in myself and that I deserve what God wants me to have. It's to increase MY vibration to match the vibration of what I desire." Light turns green. At the next light I wrote this, "God is always connected to us. It is we who lose the connection, not God."
Lighting candles, doing rituals, praying, going to church...to me all these things are for us, not for God, whomever your God is. I never used to understand why people had to go to church multiple times a week or carry their bible around with them, or wear a crucifix. I am starting to get it now, at least get it enough to help me not be so judgemental. Whatever way you use to keep your connection to your God, keep doing it. I think I'll make some of my own candles this time, it will increase my magic!
Since I've bought my house and moved I haven't done any candle magic and I can tell. I miss seeing my candles burning, I miss the flash of positive energy I get when I notice the light flickering all over the room, I miss the connection to the Universe I feel while giving thanks as I concentrate my thoughts on what I am trying to manifest. A friend of mine let me borrow a book on Advance Rituals and I was reading through some of the steps last night thinking to myself, "I'm not going to put this much effort into this. I just want to light my candle, say a little prayer, and move on with my day." I started thinking that the magic won't work unless I do it exactly as the book says, then this whole conversation started in my head, "Wait, if you don't believe in what Wiccan's believe in, why do their rituals? Besides, if you have faith in the Universe and you know God knows what you want, then you don't have to keep repeating yourself over and over. It's like a kid saying 'Mom, can I have some candy? Mom? Can I have some candy? Can I have some candy Mom? Mom? Please? Mommy??' God doesn't need to be reminded over and over and over again what you want, God is fully aware of all of my wants and needs and will deliver them when the time is right."
This inner dialog continued on as I drove to work, then DING, out of the blue a thought flashed through my mind and shut all the other thoughts up. I was sitting at a red light and had to find a piece of paper to write the thought down before it combined with the rest of the gobbledy-guk in my head. This is exactly what I wrote, "Candles aren't for God, they are for me. They are to remind me that all things are through God, they are to increase my faith in myself and that I deserve what God wants me to have. It's to increase MY vibration to match the vibration of what I desire." Light turns green. At the next light I wrote this, "God is always connected to us. It is we who lose the connection, not God."
Lighting candles, doing rituals, praying, going to church...to me all these things are for us, not for God, whomever your God is. I never used to understand why people had to go to church multiple times a week or carry their bible around with them, or wear a crucifix. I am starting to get it now, at least get it enough to help me not be so judgemental. Whatever way you use to keep your connection to your God, keep doing it. I think I'll make some of my own candles this time, it will increase my magic!
Monday, May 20, 2013
SAT's ain't got nothin on the Universe!
"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."- Carl Jung
I have come across this concept several times in my personal journey: the idea that something that bothers me about someone else is a reflection of something in me that I need to work on. I have found this idea one of the more difficult to get a grasp on, but thank goodness the Universe keeps sending me opportunities to figure out exactly what it means.
This lesson is currently coming in the form of a couple of people that are bugging the living crap out of me. I find that our difference of opinion and our view on certain events is so far separated, it's almost as if we are talking about completely different things. I KNOW what I am talking about, but I have no idea what they are thinking or talking about. I truly cannot grasp how they see these events so differently then I do. It's almost twilight zone-esque. Baffling.
I have been trying to figure out what it means to see myself in them, to see their behavior, thoughts, ideas, etc as a reflection of something I need to work on in myself, but the concept is so inconceivable: that what annoys me the most about them is reflecting something inside me that is just like them. The first person is so blind to the second person's actions and attitude, and the second person is completely self-centered, selfish and condescending. I used to see said second person the same way the first person does, but a few years ago I began to see chinks in the armor, and eventually the entire facade fell apart and I realized the pedestal this person was placed upon was entirely made of bullshit. Now, that is not second person's fault...we cannot help what other's think of us, it is not our responsibility if other's see us as deities when deities we are not. It was very painful for me to accept the fact that this person was indeed a real person and not the golden child I had believed. But I learned to accept that person in this new light, and I moved on, or tried to. Now my dislike for this person is all based on this person's own merit, not on the opinions of others! It's very freeing! My question about this is: how is the selfishness, the self-centeredness, the arrogance, the uncaring nature of this person, how is THAT a reflection of me?
I am starting to see how fear of discovering what I have discovered about the this person may be keeping the other one in the cocoon of admiration: the pain of realizing someone isn't who they think that person is could be preventing them from seeing the truth. That helps me to let go of some of my judgement and frustration, but letting go completely has been challenging, especially after hearing the edited version of events as the first person sees them. Regardless of the differences in the view of events between this person and me, I am still pondering how the aspects of these two folks that I find so annoying, so disturbing, so grossly different from me could be reflecting a part of me that I need to work on. Oh, I have no doubt that I am just as annoying and disturbing to them. I'm alright with that, I am not worried about how other's see me anymore. I know that how they see me is on them and has nothing to do with me. I am searching for my own truth by way of the Universe's lesson that is being presented to me using these two people.
This weekend my daughter and I saw "The Host". It was an adaption of a book written by Stephenie Meyer. The concept is Earth has been taken over by an alien race that implants themselves into humans, essentially kicking the human soul out and using the body to save the planet. The alien race views themselves as peaceful, they do not lie, they trust each other completely, and they do not resort to violence. The aliens have eliminated most human souls and have saved the planet from all the damage we humans have done to it and it is now thriving, the ozone layer has recovered, air pollution is gone, all species (except human) are flourishing, etc. Of course there is a small band of rebel humans that are fighting to survive while hiding from the alien invaders. This movie resonated with me this way: you can't force anyone to do something they are not ready to do even if you think it is for their best interest or for the greater good, no matter how much it has helped you; and sometimes giving up the fight is the simplest thing to do to get someone/something out of your head. I felt grateful and peaceful after watching "The Host". It stirred up thoughts in my mind that eventually connected me to the answers I have been searching for in this lesson the Universe has been trying to teach me. When I least expected it, I realized that the aspects of myself that were reflecting back at me from the two people who I had found so baffling and completely disturbing were A) My need to prove myself right; and B) My need to defend myself against those that don't accept me. The things that annoy AND enrage me about these two people are things that brought these negative aspects of myself up to the surface so that I could acknowledge them and let them go. It isn't that I am like them somewhere deep inside...it's my reaction to them that needed to be addressed.
My need to prove myself right and my need to defend myself against those that don't accept me...I am very thankful to the people in my life that are helping me let go of these two needs, even if they don't know they are helping me. In their attempt to hurt me and prove me wrong, they have opened my eyes to answers that have eluded me. I can't force anyone to see the truth because it is my truth, and by giving up the fight I can quietly get them out of my mind. In knowing that I don't have to prove myself to anyone and there is nothing to defend, I have found peace.
I have come across this concept several times in my personal journey: the idea that something that bothers me about someone else is a reflection of something in me that I need to work on. I have found this idea one of the more difficult to get a grasp on, but thank goodness the Universe keeps sending me opportunities to figure out exactly what it means.
This lesson is currently coming in the form of a couple of people that are bugging the living crap out of me. I find that our difference of opinion and our view on certain events is so far separated, it's almost as if we are talking about completely different things. I KNOW what I am talking about, but I have no idea what they are thinking or talking about. I truly cannot grasp how they see these events so differently then I do. It's almost twilight zone-esque. Baffling.
I have been trying to figure out what it means to see myself in them, to see their behavior, thoughts, ideas, etc as a reflection of something I need to work on in myself, but the concept is so inconceivable: that what annoys me the most about them is reflecting something inside me that is just like them. The first person is so blind to the second person's actions and attitude, and the second person is completely self-centered, selfish and condescending. I used to see said second person the same way the first person does, but a few years ago I began to see chinks in the armor, and eventually the entire facade fell apart and I realized the pedestal this person was placed upon was entirely made of bullshit. Now, that is not second person's fault...we cannot help what other's think of us, it is not our responsibility if other's see us as deities when deities we are not. It was very painful for me to accept the fact that this person was indeed a real person and not the golden child I had believed. But I learned to accept that person in this new light, and I moved on, or tried to. Now my dislike for this person is all based on this person's own merit, not on the opinions of others! It's very freeing! My question about this is: how is the selfishness, the self-centeredness, the arrogance, the uncaring nature of this person, how is THAT a reflection of me?
I am starting to see how fear of discovering what I have discovered about the this person may be keeping the other one in the cocoon of admiration: the pain of realizing someone isn't who they think that person is could be preventing them from seeing the truth. That helps me to let go of some of my judgement and frustration, but letting go completely has been challenging, especially after hearing the edited version of events as the first person sees them. Regardless of the differences in the view of events between this person and me, I am still pondering how the aspects of these two folks that I find so annoying, so disturbing, so grossly different from me could be reflecting a part of me that I need to work on. Oh, I have no doubt that I am just as annoying and disturbing to them. I'm alright with that, I am not worried about how other's see me anymore. I know that how they see me is on them and has nothing to do with me. I am searching for my own truth by way of the Universe's lesson that is being presented to me using these two people.
This weekend my daughter and I saw "The Host". It was an adaption of a book written by Stephenie Meyer. The concept is Earth has been taken over by an alien race that implants themselves into humans, essentially kicking the human soul out and using the body to save the planet. The alien race views themselves as peaceful, they do not lie, they trust each other completely, and they do not resort to violence. The aliens have eliminated most human souls and have saved the planet from all the damage we humans have done to it and it is now thriving, the ozone layer has recovered, air pollution is gone, all species (except human) are flourishing, etc. Of course there is a small band of rebel humans that are fighting to survive while hiding from the alien invaders. This movie resonated with me this way: you can't force anyone to do something they are not ready to do even if you think it is for their best interest or for the greater good, no matter how much it has helped you; and sometimes giving up the fight is the simplest thing to do to get someone/something out of your head. I felt grateful and peaceful after watching "The Host". It stirred up thoughts in my mind that eventually connected me to the answers I have been searching for in this lesson the Universe has been trying to teach me. When I least expected it, I realized that the aspects of myself that were reflecting back at me from the two people who I had found so baffling and completely disturbing were A) My need to prove myself right; and B) My need to defend myself against those that don't accept me. The things that annoy AND enrage me about these two people are things that brought these negative aspects of myself up to the surface so that I could acknowledge them and let them go. It isn't that I am like them somewhere deep inside...it's my reaction to them that needed to be addressed.
My need to prove myself right and my need to defend myself against those that don't accept me...I am very thankful to the people in my life that are helping me let go of these two needs, even if they don't know they are helping me. In their attempt to hurt me and prove me wrong, they have opened my eyes to answers that have eluded me. I can't force anyone to see the truth because it is my truth, and by giving up the fight I can quietly get them out of my mind. In knowing that I don't have to prove myself to anyone and there is nothing to defend, I have found peace.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Don't go to H-E-Double-Hockeysticks!
I know a young lady who is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. She has been through some pretty tumultuous times in her life, yet always finds a way to smile, and more often then not she is laughing, which usually makes everyone around her laugh! I get such incredible energy when I am around her. She is truly a joy to be near.
She recently posted on one of the various social networks: "Karma will always come back to bite you in the butt. And when that day comes Ill just sit and watch....:)"
My first thought was to agree with her. I didn't even know who she was hoping Karma would visit, I still don't, yet I was in complete agreement with her. Then I stopped for a moment and put aside what my instant reaction and thought was, and listened to my heart. This is how I responded to her post:
"i am very hesitant to say anything but i have to. please understand that this is just how I feel about the notion of karma and i am in no way, shape or form trying to make you feel the same way.
I, too, used to anticipate a time when I could witness a Karmic punishment being visited on someone whom i felt had done me wrong and i thought that person deserved it. i would think to myself, "You SOB, you hurt me, you think you know everything, you treated me like shit, i hope you get what you deserve!" etc and so forth for whatever I deemed as a hurtful act made by some person towards me. To be honest with you, the thought still crosses my mind now and then. But I see things differently now and I try very hard to release any ideas I may have about anyone deserving to be punished for their actions via Karma. Hoping that Karma affects someone is a form of judgement and it is a way of holding onto anger, hate, resentment, hurt, loss, pain...negative emotions. It is giving your power to that person. You have one of the most beautiful souls I have ever encountered. You are kind, caring, generous, hilarious, fun and strong. i won't tell you what to do or how to feel, but i just want to say one thing: forgive. When you forgive someone, even if it is in the silence of your heart and that person never knows, then you free yourself from their bondage, you take your power back and you open yourself up to love. don't worry about whether or not karma is going to be visited upon someone else. that isn't your job. your job is to live a full, beautiful, loving and abundant life and to be happy. that's just my humble opinion and it is the way I have chosen to live."
I have to admit that at first I was a little butt-hurt when I didn't get a round of applause! Haha! I know my opinion on Karma is quite different from her's and quite contrary to most of the people in her life so it didn't surprise me when I received no acknowledgement of my brilliant dissertation on letting go of the thoughts of Karma exacting revenge for us. Being completely ignored doesn't change my opinion. I am not very knowledgeable on different cultures definitions of Karma. I only know what I know, and that is when some people use the phrase "Karma is a bitch" or "Karma will take care of them", they don't really know either what Hindu's or Buddhist's believe about Karma. "Karma will get you" when used by God-fearing Christians means "God agrees with me and is going to punish you for what I think you did wrong!".
Previously I've worried about Karma coming back to ME. I don't think I've spent much time contemplating how Karma will punish someone else for what I thought they did wrong to me, it's always been about how Karma was going to punish me for what I thought I did wrong to someone else. That stems from the idea that I deserved whatever had been done to me so I couldn't imagine Karma punishing someone else, especially on MY behalf. Don't call the self-esteem patrol! I don't feel that way anymore, I promise! Even before I awakened to my true spirit, I didn't like wishing bad things on people. I always had the awareness, or at least a sense of awareness, that wishing something bad on someone was actually wishing it on yourself. Even if I hoped someone would be punished, I quite often didn't talk about it because I knew they would have to pay their bill eventually, but it wasn't up to me to determine how or when. I don't remember the last time I told someone to go to H-E-double-hockey-sticks because I didn't want to go there myself (I don't believe in such a place, but that's a subject for a whole other blog)! My very best friend has a habit of saying "I hope _____ gets a cold sore." I think I have finally convinced him to stop saying that, especially when he starts to get that tingling feeling in his lip and he can't kiss his grandkids goodnight for a week or two.
It's the Golden Rule: Treat others as you wish to be treated. I have adopted the addition rule of "Think of others as you wish to be thought of" and "Feel about others how you wish them to feel about you". Let the Universe handle Karma and punishment. Forgive and let go. It makes everything so much sweeter!
She recently posted on one of the various social networks: "Karma will always come back to bite you in the butt. And when that day comes Ill just sit and watch....:)"
My first thought was to agree with her. I didn't even know who she was hoping Karma would visit, I still don't, yet I was in complete agreement with her. Then I stopped for a moment and put aside what my instant reaction and thought was, and listened to my heart. This is how I responded to her post:
"i am very hesitant to say anything but i have to. please understand that this is just how I feel about the notion of karma and i am in no way, shape or form trying to make you feel the same way.
I, too, used to anticipate a time when I could witness a Karmic punishment being visited on someone whom i felt had done me wrong and i thought that person deserved it. i would think to myself, "You SOB, you hurt me, you think you know everything, you treated me like shit, i hope you get what you deserve!" etc and so forth for whatever I deemed as a hurtful act made by some person towards me. To be honest with you, the thought still crosses my mind now and then. But I see things differently now and I try very hard to release any ideas I may have about anyone deserving to be punished for their actions via Karma. Hoping that Karma affects someone is a form of judgement and it is a way of holding onto anger, hate, resentment, hurt, loss, pain...negative emotions. It is giving your power to that person. You have one of the most beautiful souls I have ever encountered. You are kind, caring, generous, hilarious, fun and strong. i won't tell you what to do or how to feel, but i just want to say one thing: forgive. When you forgive someone, even if it is in the silence of your heart and that person never knows, then you free yourself from their bondage, you take your power back and you open yourself up to love. don't worry about whether or not karma is going to be visited upon someone else. that isn't your job. your job is to live a full, beautiful, loving and abundant life and to be happy. that's just my humble opinion and it is the way I have chosen to live."
I have to admit that at first I was a little butt-hurt when I didn't get a round of applause! Haha! I know my opinion on Karma is quite different from her's and quite contrary to most of the people in her life so it didn't surprise me when I received no acknowledgement of my brilliant dissertation on letting go of the thoughts of Karma exacting revenge for us. Being completely ignored doesn't change my opinion. I am not very knowledgeable on different cultures definitions of Karma. I only know what I know, and that is when some people use the phrase "Karma is a bitch" or "Karma will take care of them", they don't really know either what Hindu's or Buddhist's believe about Karma. "Karma will get you" when used by God-fearing Christians means "God agrees with me and is going to punish you for what I think you did wrong!".
Previously I've worried about Karma coming back to ME. I don't think I've spent much time contemplating how Karma will punish someone else for what I thought they did wrong to me, it's always been about how Karma was going to punish me for what I thought I did wrong to someone else. That stems from the idea that I deserved whatever had been done to me so I couldn't imagine Karma punishing someone else, especially on MY behalf. Don't call the self-esteem patrol! I don't feel that way anymore, I promise! Even before I awakened to my true spirit, I didn't like wishing bad things on people. I always had the awareness, or at least a sense of awareness, that wishing something bad on someone was actually wishing it on yourself. Even if I hoped someone would be punished, I quite often didn't talk about it because I knew they would have to pay their bill eventually, but it wasn't up to me to determine how or when. I don't remember the last time I told someone to go to H-E-double-hockey-sticks because I didn't want to go there myself (I don't believe in such a place, but that's a subject for a whole other blog)! My very best friend has a habit of saying "I hope _____ gets a cold sore." I think I have finally convinced him to stop saying that, especially when he starts to get that tingling feeling in his lip and he can't kiss his grandkids goodnight for a week or two.
It's the Golden Rule: Treat others as you wish to be treated. I have adopted the addition rule of "Think of others as you wish to be thought of" and "Feel about others how you wish them to feel about you". Let the Universe handle Karma and punishment. Forgive and let go. It makes everything so much sweeter!
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Sadness for another isn't a negative emotion
I started down a new road in my life back in January. I came to a fork in the road, so I took it! (Not too sure how many people will get that...moving on) I woke up and looked in the mirror at the negative, hating, envious, self-pitying cry-cry baby I was becoming and said, "I'm done. I am done with all this negativity eaking out of me like the stench from a broken sewer pipe!" And I was done. I picked up where I had left off many years ago on my investigation into the Law of Attraction and spirituality and it's been one incredible manifestation after another. But that isn't what this is about, well, not entirely.
Since Easter 3 families I know or have known in my past have been touched by the death of a loved one. Father, husband, son...I haven't seen him in 30+ years but hearing of his death brought back memories of growing up on Lester Avenue; Barton Ave Elementary School, Saxton Middle School...seeing the names of kids I had in class that I hadn't thought about since I left in 1983 and they are all grown up now, kinda like me... being so far separated by both time and space his death didn't necessarily affect me in a personal way but I still feel for his wife & kids, his parents, his siblings and I hope that they are able to find comfort in their faith. Not to sound uncaring, but his death didn't make me take pause in my journey to a life of fulfillment and happiness. I send my love and hopeful thoughts to his family and allow the memories to fade back into the past.
Then a wonderful woman I work with lost her daughter to addiction. This hit much closer to home. When I found out about it I started feeling this sense of guilt for trying to be happy while she was just starting down a path of grief and sadness. I began to feel more grateful for my life and that brought on even more guilty feelings and questions; are my feelings of gratitude for my life a judgement of her daughter's life? What is this sadness trying to take over my good, positive emotions? I thought, I can't allow myself to feel sadness for my friend because that will derail MY effort to have a better life! I must remain happy, cheerful, optimistic! I can't cry! I can't feel sorry for her or her grandchildren that she is raising, and I certainly can't feel sorry for the young woman whose life was cut short because of her own choices! Stop crying, start laughing and charge through the barriers in the way of my life of abundance and happiness!
Fast forward one week...another death, another life cut short. Another woman, equally as wonderful as the first, I work with's husband. You've got to be kidding me, right? How can this be possible? I never met him but I love her! The details don't matter, all that matters is another family is going through an unimaginable tragedy and will be affected by that one moment for the rest of their lives. The loss of a child, the loss of a husband...I think about these two ladies that I have come to love and my heart hurts. I can't stop the flow of tears that push at the dam I have built to block negative thoughts from entering into my mind and my heart. Then I realized something; feeling sadness, feeling heartache for another person, this is not negative emotion. It is love. It means that I care about them, I care about their families, I am so incredibly sorry for both of their losses, and I feel so grateful for the life I have and the things I have experienced, ALL things, good & bad, easy & hard, ugly & beautiful. Feeling sadness, feeling empathy for another human being whose life has been forever changed by a tragedy is not negative...it's what a loving person does.
Celebrate your life. I know this is a cliche, but live your life as if today is your last. Don't put off telling those that you love that you love them! Don't make a bucket list of things you want to do before you die...DO THEM!!!! Don't feel guilty for being happy when others are sad. Everyone has their own journey to take, don't belittle someone else's journey by making yours less. We all deserve to live full, happy, abundant lives and it is our choice to do so. About 7 1/2 years ago a dear man was walking to his truck after a long day of work, I am sure he was looking forward to going home to see his boys and his wife, to settling down in his chair and eating dinner, maybe calling his Dad and bs-ing with him while watching his favorite TV show until bed time...as he walked across that open space from the barn to his truck he was struck by lightening and killed. That still makes me cry to this day. I think about that man more then I thought. I let his death affect my life so much...it's a guilt thing, ya know? How can I continue to try to make my life better, how can I continue to be happy when he's dead and his family is suffering? The truth is, it is dishonoring to someone who has passed away to NOT continue to have a good life, to NOT continue to make your life better. In expanding your life, in increasing your happiness, your abundance, your love, you HONOR those who have passed away. It is right to feel sadness for the families that have been affected by their loved one's death, but it isn't right to use that as an excuse for your life sucking.
To Steve's family, to Kim and Dani: I am so sorry for your loss. May you find comfort in your faith.
Kim and Dani, I love you both. It truly has been a pleasure getting to know both of you. I will honor you and your families by living my life to the fullest, by allowing good into my life, by loving completely and without fear. I send my loving, positive thoughts to you. May the Universe embrace you with love and comfort. These tears I shed for you are tears of joy for I know in my heart that your loved ones are safe in the true love of God. I love you.
Steven, Katie and Jimmy: Have a good journey home. Infinite love and peace is there, where we all will be someday. Rest in Peace.
Since Easter 3 families I know or have known in my past have been touched by the death of a loved one. Father, husband, son...I haven't seen him in 30+ years but hearing of his death brought back memories of growing up on Lester Avenue; Barton Ave Elementary School, Saxton Middle School...seeing the names of kids I had in class that I hadn't thought about since I left in 1983 and they are all grown up now, kinda like me... being so far separated by both time and space his death didn't necessarily affect me in a personal way but I still feel for his wife & kids, his parents, his siblings and I hope that they are able to find comfort in their faith. Not to sound uncaring, but his death didn't make me take pause in my journey to a life of fulfillment and happiness. I send my love and hopeful thoughts to his family and allow the memories to fade back into the past.
Then a wonderful woman I work with lost her daughter to addiction. This hit much closer to home. When I found out about it I started feeling this sense of guilt for trying to be happy while she was just starting down a path of grief and sadness. I began to feel more grateful for my life and that brought on even more guilty feelings and questions; are my feelings of gratitude for my life a judgement of her daughter's life? What is this sadness trying to take over my good, positive emotions? I thought, I can't allow myself to feel sadness for my friend because that will derail MY effort to have a better life! I must remain happy, cheerful, optimistic! I can't cry! I can't feel sorry for her or her grandchildren that she is raising, and I certainly can't feel sorry for the young woman whose life was cut short because of her own choices! Stop crying, start laughing and charge through the barriers in the way of my life of abundance and happiness!
Fast forward one week...another death, another life cut short. Another woman, equally as wonderful as the first, I work with's husband. You've got to be kidding me, right? How can this be possible? I never met him but I love her! The details don't matter, all that matters is another family is going through an unimaginable tragedy and will be affected by that one moment for the rest of their lives. The loss of a child, the loss of a husband...I think about these two ladies that I have come to love and my heart hurts. I can't stop the flow of tears that push at the dam I have built to block negative thoughts from entering into my mind and my heart. Then I realized something; feeling sadness, feeling heartache for another person, this is not negative emotion. It is love. It means that I care about them, I care about their families, I am so incredibly sorry for both of their losses, and I feel so grateful for the life I have and the things I have experienced, ALL things, good & bad, easy & hard, ugly & beautiful. Feeling sadness, feeling empathy for another human being whose life has been forever changed by a tragedy is not negative...it's what a loving person does.
Celebrate your life. I know this is a cliche, but live your life as if today is your last. Don't put off telling those that you love that you love them! Don't make a bucket list of things you want to do before you die...DO THEM!!!! Don't feel guilty for being happy when others are sad. Everyone has their own journey to take, don't belittle someone else's journey by making yours less. We all deserve to live full, happy, abundant lives and it is our choice to do so. About 7 1/2 years ago a dear man was walking to his truck after a long day of work, I am sure he was looking forward to going home to see his boys and his wife, to settling down in his chair and eating dinner, maybe calling his Dad and bs-ing with him while watching his favorite TV show until bed time...as he walked across that open space from the barn to his truck he was struck by lightening and killed. That still makes me cry to this day. I think about that man more then I thought. I let his death affect my life so much...it's a guilt thing, ya know? How can I continue to try to make my life better, how can I continue to be happy when he's dead and his family is suffering? The truth is, it is dishonoring to someone who has passed away to NOT continue to have a good life, to NOT continue to make your life better. In expanding your life, in increasing your happiness, your abundance, your love, you HONOR those who have passed away. It is right to feel sadness for the families that have been affected by their loved one's death, but it isn't right to use that as an excuse for your life sucking.
To Steve's family, to Kim and Dani: I am so sorry for your loss. May you find comfort in your faith.
Kim and Dani, I love you both. It truly has been a pleasure getting to know both of you. I will honor you and your families by living my life to the fullest, by allowing good into my life, by loving completely and without fear. I send my loving, positive thoughts to you. May the Universe embrace you with love and comfort. These tears I shed for you are tears of joy for I know in my heart that your loved ones are safe in the true love of God. I love you.
Steven, Katie and Jimmy: Have a good journey home. Infinite love and peace is there, where we all will be someday. Rest in Peace.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Thursday, March 21, 2013
How to Attract Success by FW Sears, Chapter 6
The following is an excerpt from How To Attract Success by F.W. Sears, written in 1914. It can found free on the internet. Just google it. It's basically Chapter 6.
"In the beginning God gave us all the power and faculties through which to use it; He also gave us the power to use these faculties in any way our desires might lead us. God never used the Law of Force in our lives. He never told us that we must, or must not, do anything. His hand has never been laid on our lives in any way; we have been free agents all down the ages past and gone and will continue to be free agents all along the ages yet to come to express ourselves in accordance with whatever causes we may set in motion. No one has ever enslaved us in any way but ourselves; no one has ever set a cause in motion but ourselves for which we are in any way responsible; no one will ever set a cause in motion but for ourselves for which we will ever be responsible.
In this material world our responsibility begins and ends in the Intellect, the Mental plane of consciousness. When we use our Intellect, consciously or unconsciously, to generate thoughts in the physical brain which in any way lower our vibrations or retard or repress our ability to express, we are using the Universal Energy destructively; on the other hand when we use our Intellect to generate thoughts in the physical brain which are harmonious and constructive, and so increase our vibrations and enable us to relate with more harmonious and constructive currents on the unseen side of life, we are using this Universal Energy constructively.
The Universal Energy--this one substance which pervades the universe, this One Life in all and through all--is neither "good" nor "bad" in itself; it simply IS. It is like fire which in itself is neither constructive nor destructive; it is the use of the fire which determines its effect. When we use fire constructively it runs the commerce of the world both on land and sea; it heats our homes and our business places and keeps us from freezing in the winter time; it cooks our food, and in fact becomes one of the most beneficial agencies known to man. When we permit fire to get out from under our control and run riot it destroys our commerce both on land and sea; it destroys our homes and business places; it destroys our food, and it even destroys us, and so becomes one of the most devastating agencies known to man; but in itself it is neither "good" nor "bad".
And so with this Universal Energy. We can use it to materialize an abundance of supply for ourselves, or we can use it to create poverty and lack. God does not attempt to tell us how we must use it any more than He attempts to tell us how we must use fire.
The question is then, "How shall we use our Intellect in order that we may build consciously for permanent success?"
One of the very first things to do is to displace in our consciousness every thought which will in any way relate us with this Law of Force; that is, all anger, hatred, worry, fear, envy, jealousy, impatience, intolerance, resentment, resistance, condemnation, criticism, etc., everything that creates the energy which relates us with this Law of Force. We should displace such thoughts with those of kindness, patience, tolerance, love (not simply the personal kind), peace, poise, harmony, etc., these generate a constructive energy and relate us with the currents wherein are contained the atoms of which will produce in material form the harmonious and constructive things we want.
When we first attempt to train our minds to displace these old negative, destructive thoughts we find it necessary to continually and persistently affirm our oneness with the thing we want, no matter how far away from its materialization objectively we may seem to be. We must fill our thought world with the thought of the thing we want, displacing again and again the thoughts which come to us of the thing we do not want, and in accordance with our persistency in displacing them will we materialize the thing we do want soon or late.
Our work should be done without worry, fear, strain, effort, or tenseness of any kind. These old negative thoughts will come back again and again until we have formed the new habit of filling our thought world with the thoughts of the things we want.
When night comes and everything turns from light to darkness, as it does every night since the beginning of the world, we do no fret and fuss and fume and cry about it and say "Oh, what's the use of trying to get rid of this darkness: I have tried it again and again but I cannot get rid of it and there's no use of trying any more," but we just take the darkness as a matter of course and turn on the light.
We should use our Intellect to do this same thing in our thought world and no matter how often thoughts of poverty, lack, and failure come to us, no matter how often we look into our pockets and find them empty, no matter how poor and poverty stricken our environment may tell us we are today, no matter how often we have failed to succeed in the past, no matter how dark the future may seem to us today, these are, one and all, like the "darkness" which comes to us every night and we should give them no more attention than we give to the night's darkness, but "turn on the light" by making strong powerful affirmations, such as "I have wealth now, I have an abundance of money now, I am wealth now, I am success now."
Should we start to go down Broadway from 100th Street to the Battery and turn off Broadway at 99th Street, wander around for a while but finally return to Broadway, continuing on to 98th Street, turning off again and wandering around awhile on that street but finally returning to Broadway and continuing our journey, we could turn off Broadway at every cross-street we came to and it would not affect our ultimately reaching the end of our journey did we return to Broadway and continue our journey down town every time we recognized that we had gotten off Broadway. Our turning into the side streets would only delay our arrival at the Battery, not prevent it.
So with these negative, destructive thoughts of lack, poverty, anger, hatred, etc., which come to us from time to time; they will not prevent our ultimate success, but only delay it a little, when we learn to recognize that they create a destructive energy and we continuously and persistently displace them with constructive thoughts and affirmations every time we recognize that they have returned to us.
The length of time it will take us to arrive at our journey's end, that is form the new fixed habit in our lives of thinking constructively, will depend upon how often we "get off Broadway" and how long we stay off it on these side streets, that is how often we relate with the negative currents and remain in them -- in their darkness -- before we begin to displace them with the constructive thoughts."
I picked up on the Law of Attraction several years ago, probably closer to 6 or 7 years now. I got a copy of The Secret and read it from cover to cover, then lost interest in it when money wasn't falling out of the sky into my lap.
I've tried to be as positive a person as I can be but the last couple years had brought me down and I was getting to the point where I didn't like myself very much. One morning in January I woke up and decided, I'm done, I can't continue down this road that is leading me to a dark, yicky place. I've hit rock bottom before and I am not going there again, no thanks. That morning in January I made a conscious decision to stop with the negative self-talk and to stop talking negatively about other people. It started me on a path that has been incredible and I have so much to look forward to!
Recently I have read several books that were written in the late 1800's to early 1900's, for instance The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace D. Wattles, The Conquest of Poverty by Helen Wilmans, The Secret of the Ages by Robert Collier, etc. I have read a couple books written in this century as well like The One Command; Six Steps to Attract Wealth with the Power of Your Mind by Asara Lovejoy and The Divine Matrix by Gregg Braden. I have gotten something out of every book I have read and it is all sinking in to the core of my being in a way it never did before. I think it's because I wasn't ready for the material that was being presented to me previously. It did help me to pull myself off the floor at the time I was looking into the subject 6 or 7 years ago, but this time I JUST GET IT.
When I read this chapter in How to Attract Success this morning, it just made so much sense to me. (I have not included a paragraph that I personally agree with on the subject of religion so as to not offend anyone.) In addition to just loving the eloquent way the various authors wrote over a hundred years ago, the way F.W. Sears relates his thoughts on what he refers to as the Law of Harmonious Attraction and the Universal Energy, AKA God, to FIRE and to DARKNESS was very enlightening for me. And I absolutely love how his trip down Broadway and the many detours on the way to the Battery (he's talking about Manhattan for my friends not familiar with New York City)is a perfect example of how it's okay to get off track now and then, as long as you recognize that you are getting off course and consciously return to the course you set for yourself, you will still reach your destination; you will get the result you desire. It is when we get off course and get completely lost and have no GPS and have forgotten how to read a map that we can fall victim to the old negative thoughts and limiting beliefs, and we can give up hope.
Most of the older books I have read can be found online free. They are very well written and forward thinking for their time. This particular chapter struck a chord with me enough to where I wanted to share it with you. I hope you enjoyed it!
"In the beginning God gave us all the power and faculties through which to use it; He also gave us the power to use these faculties in any way our desires might lead us. God never used the Law of Force in our lives. He never told us that we must, or must not, do anything. His hand has never been laid on our lives in any way; we have been free agents all down the ages past and gone and will continue to be free agents all along the ages yet to come to express ourselves in accordance with whatever causes we may set in motion. No one has ever enslaved us in any way but ourselves; no one has ever set a cause in motion but ourselves for which we are in any way responsible; no one will ever set a cause in motion but for ourselves for which we will ever be responsible.
In this material world our responsibility begins and ends in the Intellect, the Mental plane of consciousness. When we use our Intellect, consciously or unconsciously, to generate thoughts in the physical brain which in any way lower our vibrations or retard or repress our ability to express, we are using the Universal Energy destructively; on the other hand when we use our Intellect to generate thoughts in the physical brain which are harmonious and constructive, and so increase our vibrations and enable us to relate with more harmonious and constructive currents on the unseen side of life, we are using this Universal Energy constructively.
The Universal Energy--this one substance which pervades the universe, this One Life in all and through all--is neither "good" nor "bad" in itself; it simply IS. It is like fire which in itself is neither constructive nor destructive; it is the use of the fire which determines its effect. When we use fire constructively it runs the commerce of the world both on land and sea; it heats our homes and our business places and keeps us from freezing in the winter time; it cooks our food, and in fact becomes one of the most beneficial agencies known to man. When we permit fire to get out from under our control and run riot it destroys our commerce both on land and sea; it destroys our homes and business places; it destroys our food, and it even destroys us, and so becomes one of the most devastating agencies known to man; but in itself it is neither "good" nor "bad".
And so with this Universal Energy. We can use it to materialize an abundance of supply for ourselves, or we can use it to create poverty and lack. God does not attempt to tell us how we must use it any more than He attempts to tell us how we must use fire.
The question is then, "How shall we use our Intellect in order that we may build consciously for permanent success?"
One of the very first things to do is to displace in our consciousness every thought which will in any way relate us with this Law of Force; that is, all anger, hatred, worry, fear, envy, jealousy, impatience, intolerance, resentment, resistance, condemnation, criticism, etc., everything that creates the energy which relates us with this Law of Force. We should displace such thoughts with those of kindness, patience, tolerance, love (not simply the personal kind), peace, poise, harmony, etc., these generate a constructive energy and relate us with the currents wherein are contained the atoms of which will produce in material form the harmonious and constructive things we want.
When we first attempt to train our minds to displace these old negative, destructive thoughts we find it necessary to continually and persistently affirm our oneness with the thing we want, no matter how far away from its materialization objectively we may seem to be. We must fill our thought world with the thought of the thing we want, displacing again and again the thoughts which come to us of the thing we do not want, and in accordance with our persistency in displacing them will we materialize the thing we do want soon or late.
Our work should be done without worry, fear, strain, effort, or tenseness of any kind. These old negative thoughts will come back again and again until we have formed the new habit of filling our thought world with the thoughts of the things we want.
When night comes and everything turns from light to darkness, as it does every night since the beginning of the world, we do no fret and fuss and fume and cry about it and say "Oh, what's the use of trying to get rid of this darkness: I have tried it again and again but I cannot get rid of it and there's no use of trying any more," but we just take the darkness as a matter of course and turn on the light.
We should use our Intellect to do this same thing in our thought world and no matter how often thoughts of poverty, lack, and failure come to us, no matter how often we look into our pockets and find them empty, no matter how poor and poverty stricken our environment may tell us we are today, no matter how often we have failed to succeed in the past, no matter how dark the future may seem to us today, these are, one and all, like the "darkness" which comes to us every night and we should give them no more attention than we give to the night's darkness, but "turn on the light" by making strong powerful affirmations, such as "I have wealth now, I have an abundance of money now, I am wealth now, I am success now."
Should we start to go down Broadway from 100th Street to the Battery and turn off Broadway at 99th Street, wander around for a while but finally return to Broadway, continuing on to 98th Street, turning off again and wandering around awhile on that street but finally returning to Broadway and continuing our journey, we could turn off Broadway at every cross-street we came to and it would not affect our ultimately reaching the end of our journey did we return to Broadway and continue our journey down town every time we recognized that we had gotten off Broadway. Our turning into the side streets would only delay our arrival at the Battery, not prevent it.
So with these negative, destructive thoughts of lack, poverty, anger, hatred, etc., which come to us from time to time; they will not prevent our ultimate success, but only delay it a little, when we learn to recognize that they create a destructive energy and we continuously and persistently displace them with constructive thoughts and affirmations every time we recognize that they have returned to us.
The length of time it will take us to arrive at our journey's end, that is form the new fixed habit in our lives of thinking constructively, will depend upon how often we "get off Broadway" and how long we stay off it on these side streets, that is how often we relate with the negative currents and remain in them -- in their darkness -- before we begin to displace them with the constructive thoughts."
I picked up on the Law of Attraction several years ago, probably closer to 6 or 7 years now. I got a copy of The Secret and read it from cover to cover, then lost interest in it when money wasn't falling out of the sky into my lap.
I've tried to be as positive a person as I can be but the last couple years had brought me down and I was getting to the point where I didn't like myself very much. One morning in January I woke up and decided, I'm done, I can't continue down this road that is leading me to a dark, yicky place. I've hit rock bottom before and I am not going there again, no thanks. That morning in January I made a conscious decision to stop with the negative self-talk and to stop talking negatively about other people. It started me on a path that has been incredible and I have so much to look forward to!
Recently I have read several books that were written in the late 1800's to early 1900's, for instance The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace D. Wattles, The Conquest of Poverty by Helen Wilmans, The Secret of the Ages by Robert Collier, etc. I have read a couple books written in this century as well like The One Command; Six Steps to Attract Wealth with the Power of Your Mind by Asara Lovejoy and The Divine Matrix by Gregg Braden. I have gotten something out of every book I have read and it is all sinking in to the core of my being in a way it never did before. I think it's because I wasn't ready for the material that was being presented to me previously. It did help me to pull myself off the floor at the time I was looking into the subject 6 or 7 years ago, but this time I JUST GET IT.
When I read this chapter in How to Attract Success this morning, it just made so much sense to me. (I have not included a paragraph that I personally agree with on the subject of religion so as to not offend anyone.) In addition to just loving the eloquent way the various authors wrote over a hundred years ago, the way F.W. Sears relates his thoughts on what he refers to as the Law of Harmonious Attraction and the Universal Energy, AKA God, to FIRE and to DARKNESS was very enlightening for me. And I absolutely love how his trip down Broadway and the many detours on the way to the Battery (he's talking about Manhattan for my friends not familiar with New York City)is a perfect example of how it's okay to get off track now and then, as long as you recognize that you are getting off course and consciously return to the course you set for yourself, you will still reach your destination; you will get the result you desire. It is when we get off course and get completely lost and have no GPS and have forgotten how to read a map that we can fall victim to the old negative thoughts and limiting beliefs, and we can give up hope.
Most of the older books I have read can be found online free. They are very well written and forward thinking for their time. This particular chapter struck a chord with me enough to where I wanted to share it with you. I hope you enjoyed it!
Friday, March 8, 2013
Conversation with my ego
Conversation I had with my ego today (yes, that is a kind of way of saying I talk to myself!):
Me: "Hey ego, what's up with you today? Can't you see that I'm becoming a much more positive person, I'm actually looking forward to the future while appreciating everything I have right now? Why are you trying to ruin my mood, bring me down? Why are you dredging up all this negative garbage from the past? Don't you think we deserve a better, more abundant life?"
My ego: "Of course we deserve better! But we don't have all the things you are wanting because of other people and what THEY think of us! We don't own our own home because your Mommy and Daddy made you feel like you didn't deserve it! You ARE a decent writer but you'll never get published and you'll certainly never make money writing because your family made you feel like you'll never amount to anything, so of course you won't! WE don't have what WE deserve because of EVERY ONE ELSE! It isn't OUR fault! No, wait...it isn't MY fault! I love you. I've always been here for you. Well, most of the time. Sure, I may have said "I told you so" a few times but I was just being truthful! I can't help it that you're so sensitive and believe every negative thing I say! No, it's everyone else's fault, including YOURS! I like things the way they are. I'm comfortable. If all these so-called wonderful things start appearing, you're going to leave me behind. You won't need me anymore. When you consciously choose what to think and how to feel, I feel left out and alone. I can't let that happen! I won't!! I will block EVERY GOOD THING from coming to you! I don't care that you deserve it! I am more important then "GOD", I'm bigger then your "Universe"! Please don't leave me, I promise I'll be good..."
Me: "I love you(me). I forgive you for being scared and trying to blame everyone else. But sweetie, I am responsible for exactly where I am right now, I am responsible for everything I have and don't have, no one else. It's ok. It's going to be wonderful! Trust that!"
disclaimer: my parents and family are amazing! i love you guys! :D
Me: "Hey ego, what's up with you today? Can't you see that I'm becoming a much more positive person, I'm actually looking forward to the future while appreciating everything I have right now? Why are you trying to ruin my mood, bring me down? Why are you dredging up all this negative garbage from the past? Don't you think we deserve a better, more abundant life?"
My ego: "Of course we deserve better! But we don't have all the things you are wanting because of other people and what THEY think of us! We don't own our own home because your Mommy and Daddy made you feel like you didn't deserve it! You ARE a decent writer but you'll never get published and you'll certainly never make money writing because your family made you feel like you'll never amount to anything, so of course you won't! WE don't have what WE deserve because of EVERY ONE ELSE! It isn't OUR fault! No, wait...it isn't MY fault! I love you. I've always been here for you. Well, most of the time. Sure, I may have said "I told you so" a few times but I was just being truthful! I can't help it that you're so sensitive and believe every negative thing I say! No, it's everyone else's fault, including YOURS! I like things the way they are. I'm comfortable. If all these so-called wonderful things start appearing, you're going to leave me behind. You won't need me anymore. When you consciously choose what to think and how to feel, I feel left out and alone. I can't let that happen! I won't!! I will block EVERY GOOD THING from coming to you! I don't care that you deserve it! I am more important then "GOD", I'm bigger then your "Universe"! Please don't leave me, I promise I'll be good..."
Me: "I love you(me). I forgive you for being scared and trying to blame everyone else. But sweetie, I am responsible for exactly where I am right now, I am responsible for everything I have and don't have, no one else. It's ok. It's going to be wonderful! Trust that!"
disclaimer: my parents and family are amazing! i love you guys! :D
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
I wanted to be a Marine Biologist because I liked dolphins
I don't think I had any real aspirations to BE anything in particular as a child, except for maybe a horse or a dolphin. I loved animals more then people but I never really dreamed of being a veterinarian. Instead I wanted to BE a dog or a tiger or a horse, sometimes an eagle. I even wanted to be a humpback whale. When we would go to the beach I would splash around in the tide pools pretending to be a mermaid. I remember diving over the waves as they came in and I could feel my flippers propelling me forward out to the deepest part of the sea....ah, I can almost feel them now.
When I was in high school I still had no real idea what I wanted to do when I grew up. I'm not sure where or when I came up with the idea of being a Marine Biologist. We used to watch Jacques Cousteau and Nature a lot. I think I was a Senior when I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Well, I like dolphins so I guess I'll be a Marine Biologist." It didn't dawn on me that by that time I had already dropped Physics (or was it Chem?) and I wasn't a huge fan of Biology 101, and I avoided math like the plague. No one, including myself, noticed that I had quite the talent for writing term papers the night before they were due and getting the best grade in the class. So off I went to college with the brilliant idea of becoming a Marine Biologist because I liked dolphins. I would have had better luck had I chosen to actually become a dolphin.
I've had the vague desire to be a writer but I never had the confidence to do it. I'm not one to follow grammatical rules and I don't know a lot of fancy synonyms for common, ordinary words. But I love to write. I have had great success in college writing classes. I remember being absent from an English 121 Comp class one day and upon returning to school a classmate told me that the Professor had read my story out loud to the class. All I could think was how grateful I was that I hadn't been there to endure the attention. I think my self-esteem was hiding under a rock somewhere. Anyway, I have started several stories that sounded pretty good, but as soon as I would allow myself the thought that hey, this story IS pretty good, I've walked away never to explore that story again.
I've been reading The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace D. Wattles. He writes at great length about becoming who you want to become and that it is our duty to advance as humans by making the most of ourselves. He says "Desire is possibility seeking expression." I, for whatever reason, have downplayed my desire to be a writer since the first time I copied Clifford The Big Red Dog into one of my composition notebooks and showed it to my Mom as if I had written it myself. I remember how impressed she acted and told me it was a wonderful story. Somewhere between then and now my desire has been hiding, trying to fly under the radar, not wanting to be noticed or expressed. Or maybe it was my diminished ego that was choking it down, telling it to shut the hell up, not wanting my desire to become real for fear that the scared, selfish little ego would be left behind.
I forgive myself for denying my desire to be a writer. I forgive myself for not giving myself the chance to live up to my potential. I love to write! I stammer and stutter when I try to verbalize my thoughts, sounding more like a blathering idiot then an intelligent woman. But when I write, while I may be rather long winded, I can articulate my thoughts plainly and in a way that people just get it, they know what I'm talking about.
In 1910 Wallace D. Wattles wrote, "Man must form a clear and definite mental image of the things he wishes to have, to do, or to become; and he must hold this mental image in his thoughts, while being deeply grateful to the Supreme that all his desires are granted to him." I desire to write. I desire to become a published, paid author. I am very grateful for what talent I do have, and I know that if I keep this desire in my thoughts, my talent will increase in such a way that I will become what I desire to become. Thank you Mr. Wattles. For a dude born in the 1800's, you got it goin on!
When I was in high school I still had no real idea what I wanted to do when I grew up. I'm not sure where or when I came up with the idea of being a Marine Biologist. We used to watch Jacques Cousteau and Nature a lot. I think I was a Senior when I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Well, I like dolphins so I guess I'll be a Marine Biologist." It didn't dawn on me that by that time I had already dropped Physics (or was it Chem?) and I wasn't a huge fan of Biology 101, and I avoided math like the plague. No one, including myself, noticed that I had quite the talent for writing term papers the night before they were due and getting the best grade in the class. So off I went to college with the brilliant idea of becoming a Marine Biologist because I liked dolphins. I would have had better luck had I chosen to actually become a dolphin.
I've had the vague desire to be a writer but I never had the confidence to do it. I'm not one to follow grammatical rules and I don't know a lot of fancy synonyms for common, ordinary words. But I love to write. I have had great success in college writing classes. I remember being absent from an English 121 Comp class one day and upon returning to school a classmate told me that the Professor had read my story out loud to the class. All I could think was how grateful I was that I hadn't been there to endure the attention. I think my self-esteem was hiding under a rock somewhere. Anyway, I have started several stories that sounded pretty good, but as soon as I would allow myself the thought that hey, this story IS pretty good, I've walked away never to explore that story again.
I've been reading The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace D. Wattles. He writes at great length about becoming who you want to become and that it is our duty to advance as humans by making the most of ourselves. He says "Desire is possibility seeking expression." I, for whatever reason, have downplayed my desire to be a writer since the first time I copied Clifford The Big Red Dog into one of my composition notebooks and showed it to my Mom as if I had written it myself. I remember how impressed she acted and told me it was a wonderful story. Somewhere between then and now my desire has been hiding, trying to fly under the radar, not wanting to be noticed or expressed. Or maybe it was my diminished ego that was choking it down, telling it to shut the hell up, not wanting my desire to become real for fear that the scared, selfish little ego would be left behind.
I forgive myself for denying my desire to be a writer. I forgive myself for not giving myself the chance to live up to my potential. I love to write! I stammer and stutter when I try to verbalize my thoughts, sounding more like a blathering idiot then an intelligent woman. But when I write, while I may be rather long winded, I can articulate my thoughts plainly and in a way that people just get it, they know what I'm talking about.
In 1910 Wallace D. Wattles wrote, "Man must form a clear and definite mental image of the things he wishes to have, to do, or to become; and he must hold this mental image in his thoughts, while being deeply grateful to the Supreme that all his desires are granted to him." I desire to write. I desire to become a published, paid author. I am very grateful for what talent I do have, and I know that if I keep this desire in my thoughts, my talent will increase in such a way that I will become what I desire to become. Thank you Mr. Wattles. For a dude born in the 1800's, you got it goin on!
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Don't erase those old posts!!
I have a new outlook on life. Because of this renewed faith in life I thought, I need to delete all those negative, yucky, cry-cry, self-pitying posts from my past. I was going to erase my blog and start from scratch.
But that wouldn't be fair to my past. You can't just erase what happened. It happened. I have to honor those experiences. I have to give thanks to those feelings because they made me who I am today. They got me through whatever perceived trauma I was putting myself through at that particular time.
I can't just erase the past. I can choose to look at those experiences differently. Did you know that you can change the past? You can! Take one moment from your past and just for a moment, look at it differently. It can simply be a trip to the grocery store. Was the line long? Was the cashier slow? Did the lady in front of you take her sweet time paying? Was the couple behind you too close to you, invading your space? Was that baby screaming its bloody head off??? OMG, get me the hell OUT OF HERE! Now...just take a couple minutes to look at it from a different angle. Was the line long because you chose to go to the store at the time of day when the store is the busiest? Was the cashier slow because he is an older gentleman who was laid off and because he is older, he can't find a position in his field and he is doing the best that he can do at this low-paying yet completely necessary and vital job? Yes, the lady in front of you was slow. Not everyone speeds through life like it's a NASCAR race. It's not her fault that you chose to come to the store at the busiest time of day and get in line behind her. What about that couple behind you? Sure, they were oblivious to your personal space but they are in love! Can you blame them? They were lost in the moment, they were enjoying each others company, they were excited to be shopping together! It certainly isn't their fault that you are at the store alone! Yes, they could have backed up but were they really hurting you, or just annoying you? And that poor baby...maybe he's sick, hungry, poopy, or just a baby! Mom is probably extremely stressed out because she's trying to get the shopping done, she is fully aware that her baby is screaming but she's in line and there is nothing she can do right now. Giving her dirty looks and silently judging her for letting her baby cry is NOT going to help her. She is doing the best she can do. She wants to get out of that store as quickly as you do!
Did looking at your "miserable" shopping trip differently change the way you thought of it? Just think of how much more pleasant your evening would have been if you weren't pissed off at everybody at the store. Remember that trip, that evening...now let go of all the ugly. Just look at it as a shopping trip, drop all the emotion. Do you remember it differently now? There, you just changed the past! And I bet you changed your present as well. Did thinking about the shopping trip that you thought was miserable get you irritated all over again? How do you feel now that you've allowed yourself to let go of the ugly and see it differently? I hope you feel better. I hope you carry that positive emotion with you all day, thereby affecting your future.
By seeing the past differently, by letting go of the negative emotions, we can change it which changes the way we feel NOW, which will change the way we look at the future.
One more example...have you ever had a fight with your best friend? I mean the kind of fight that made you hate that person with ever fiber of your being, the relationship-destroying conflict that tore you apart with no thoughts of ever being able to fix it. Every time you think of that person your blood boils, you get angry and your pulse races! You curse that person to everyone you know! There is no end to the number of people who are going to know the terrible thing your supposed BFF did to you! Then one day you are out and about and oh crap! There she is! There is no avoiding her! Don't make eye contact! Imma kill that bitch if she dare talk to me!!! Oh crap, here she comes! Then she starts to talk by saying how sorry she is, and suddenly this story comes out of her that you've never heard before, her side of the story is so overwhelming, so emotional, so real....you feel the anger & hate dissolving, the bitterness has been replaced by compassion and the love that you once held for your BFF that was lost forever is now back, stronger then ever. You find yourself forgiving her, hugging her, crying for her. In an instant you no longer see the "event" as you did before, it is totally different now, and it doesn't matter at all. Seeing the past differently has changed your past, your present and your future because you have your best friend back! Just a few minutes ago the only plans you had for the future that included her was attending her funeral! Now you are already making plans to have lunch! Everything is different!
You can do that without being cornered by her. You can let go of the past now, without ever setting eyes on her. Forgive your best friend or whomever you feel did you wrong. Look at your role in the situation, with real honesty. Forgive yourself, if for nothing else other then letting that one event have so much power over you. Let it go. Stop dwelling on it. Stop letting it affect how you feel now (I'm sure that all of your friends who have heard the story a thousand times will appreciate it too!). Looking at it differently, letting it go will change your NOW and your future, and the other person involved doesn't even have to know.
I am not going to erase my past posts because I see them differently now. They are a part of me, they made me who I am, but they do not define me. They no longer affect my present or my future. I have let them go. By changing the way I look at them, I have changed the effect they have on me which has changed my present and my future.
I hope your day is abundant!
But that wouldn't be fair to my past. You can't just erase what happened. It happened. I have to honor those experiences. I have to give thanks to those feelings because they made me who I am today. They got me through whatever perceived trauma I was putting myself through at that particular time.
I can't just erase the past. I can choose to look at those experiences differently. Did you know that you can change the past? You can! Take one moment from your past and just for a moment, look at it differently. It can simply be a trip to the grocery store. Was the line long? Was the cashier slow? Did the lady in front of you take her sweet time paying? Was the couple behind you too close to you, invading your space? Was that baby screaming its bloody head off??? OMG, get me the hell OUT OF HERE! Now...just take a couple minutes to look at it from a different angle. Was the line long because you chose to go to the store at the time of day when the store is the busiest? Was the cashier slow because he is an older gentleman who was laid off and because he is older, he can't find a position in his field and he is doing the best that he can do at this low-paying yet completely necessary and vital job? Yes, the lady in front of you was slow. Not everyone speeds through life like it's a NASCAR race. It's not her fault that you chose to come to the store at the busiest time of day and get in line behind her. What about that couple behind you? Sure, they were oblivious to your personal space but they are in love! Can you blame them? They were lost in the moment, they were enjoying each others company, they were excited to be shopping together! It certainly isn't their fault that you are at the store alone! Yes, they could have backed up but were they really hurting you, or just annoying you? And that poor baby...maybe he's sick, hungry, poopy, or just a baby! Mom is probably extremely stressed out because she's trying to get the shopping done, she is fully aware that her baby is screaming but she's in line and there is nothing she can do right now. Giving her dirty looks and silently judging her for letting her baby cry is NOT going to help her. She is doing the best she can do. She wants to get out of that store as quickly as you do!
Did looking at your "miserable" shopping trip differently change the way you thought of it? Just think of how much more pleasant your evening would have been if you weren't pissed off at everybody at the store. Remember that trip, that evening...now let go of all the ugly. Just look at it as a shopping trip, drop all the emotion. Do you remember it differently now? There, you just changed the past! And I bet you changed your present as well. Did thinking about the shopping trip that you thought was miserable get you irritated all over again? How do you feel now that you've allowed yourself to let go of the ugly and see it differently? I hope you feel better. I hope you carry that positive emotion with you all day, thereby affecting your future.
By seeing the past differently, by letting go of the negative emotions, we can change it which changes the way we feel NOW, which will change the way we look at the future.
One more example...have you ever had a fight with your best friend? I mean the kind of fight that made you hate that person with ever fiber of your being, the relationship-destroying conflict that tore you apart with no thoughts of ever being able to fix it. Every time you think of that person your blood boils, you get angry and your pulse races! You curse that person to everyone you know! There is no end to the number of people who are going to know the terrible thing your supposed BFF did to you! Then one day you are out and about and oh crap! There she is! There is no avoiding her! Don't make eye contact! Imma kill that bitch if she dare talk to me!!! Oh crap, here she comes! Then she starts to talk by saying how sorry she is, and suddenly this story comes out of her that you've never heard before, her side of the story is so overwhelming, so emotional, so real....you feel the anger & hate dissolving, the bitterness has been replaced by compassion and the love that you once held for your BFF that was lost forever is now back, stronger then ever. You find yourself forgiving her, hugging her, crying for her. In an instant you no longer see the "event" as you did before, it is totally different now, and it doesn't matter at all. Seeing the past differently has changed your past, your present and your future because you have your best friend back! Just a few minutes ago the only plans you had for the future that included her was attending her funeral! Now you are already making plans to have lunch! Everything is different!
You can do that without being cornered by her. You can let go of the past now, without ever setting eyes on her. Forgive your best friend or whomever you feel did you wrong. Look at your role in the situation, with real honesty. Forgive yourself, if for nothing else other then letting that one event have so much power over you. Let it go. Stop dwelling on it. Stop letting it affect how you feel now (I'm sure that all of your friends who have heard the story a thousand times will appreciate it too!). Looking at it differently, letting it go will change your NOW and your future, and the other person involved doesn't even have to know.
I am not going to erase my past posts because I see them differently now. They are a part of me, they made me who I am, but they do not define me. They no longer affect my present or my future. I have let them go. By changing the way I look at them, I have changed the effect they have on me which has changed my present and my future.
I hope your day is abundant!
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
replacing old thoughts with new ones
I woke up with the lyrics to "So Pathetic" by Local H running through my head. I haven't heard this song in forever! The part looping over and over in my head is:
"Born to be down
I've learned all my leasons before now
Born to be down
I think you'll get use to it
And you just don't get it
Keep it copacetic
And you learn to accept it
you know you're so pathetic
And you don't"
Of course there is more to the song but this is on repeat. Exploring the meaning of the song for myself, I initially thought, "Why on earth am I thinking to myself that I am pathetic? Haven't I gotten past this terrible self-doubting, limiting thought yet?" Then I realized, "Yes I have."
To me the song is saying "You just don't get it do you? You are supposed to think your pathetic, you are supposed to let society and what others think of you keep you down, but YOU DON'T! You weren't born to be down! You don't have to live with that thought in your mind! You don't have to accept what was taught to you by others who think the same thing about themselves! You don't have to accept it! YOU ARE NOT PATHETIC!"
A second thought, a deeper thought that is occurring to me is: this is a fear, a limiting thought, coming to the surface so I can address it and let it go. It may be my ego realizing that I am letting go of any thoughts of my being pathetic and the ego is afraid of change. It is comfortable thinking such limiting thoughts because that is how I have always thought. The ego is unfamiliar with the new ideas that are starting to become rooted in my mind, in my conscious, and it is trying to force me to listen to this song over and over again in an attempt to destroy these higher thoughts. The ego wants to revert my thinking back to what it was before. My ego is throwing a tantrum!
"Dear ego, you're ok. It is going to be alright. I know you are scared, I know you think I can't do this, I know we've been down this road before and have given up after a short time. But I am different this time. Trust me. I love you. I believe in myself, I trust my higher self and the empowering thoughts I am allowing to root in my consciousness. I acknowledge your fear, and I let it go. I love you."
A song has different meanings for whomever is listening to it, that is the beauty of music. I used to think I was pathetic. I used to think I was born to be down, that a good life was only meant for a limited few, and I was not included in that list of the chosen. I no longer think that way. I now see that life is meant to be lived abundantly and it is our responsibility to live that way. The Universe is an abundant, limitless, infinite place and there is enough for everyone to be on the list of the "chosen". So I will be singing my new favorite song (Levitate by Hadouken) to myself today (watch the video People are Awesome 2013 at the bottom):
Heart in my mouth, but my head in the clouds yeah
I can feel it rising
Bound to the Earth but, we could ascend yeah
I’m realizing
Chorus:
I feel both feet lift off the ground
I can levitate
With every truth that leaves I close my eyes
And levitate
I just know
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
The air is electric, the higher the scent is
I can feel it charging
I’ll never forget you with transcending
I don’t know we started
Chorus
I feel both feet lift off the ground
I can levitate
With every truth that leaves I close my eyes
And levitate
I levitate
Heart in my mouth, but my head in the clouds yeah
I can feel it rising
Bound to the Earth but, we could ascend yeah
I’m realizing
Chorus
I feel both feet lift off the ground
I can levitate
With every truth that leaves I close my eyes
And levitate
I just know
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I can levitate
I can levitate
Chorus
I feel both feet lift off the ground
I can levitate
With every truth that leaves I close my eyes
And levitate
I levitate
Friday, February 22, 2013
Creative Consciousness
Wow...I can't think of how to start....let me just say that I am looking at the world very differently lately. I was getting so bogged down with self-pity and loathing. I would complain about people being negative but I think I was one of the most negative people I knew! I can't say what day I decided to be different but it's been within the last month or so. It doesn't really matter, does it? Trying to figure out what day my attitude and thus my life changed is like trying to figure out when the Universe started. It doesn't matter when it started, all that matters is that it did!
I have never felt so connected to the Universe before. A few years back when I was in my self-improvement stage I thought I was connected, but it didn't feel like this! I thought I was ready back then but I wasn't because I gave it up too quickly. I may have changed on the surface but deep inside I was still clinging to my ego and my desire to be miserable. My desire to be miserable....I bet a lot of people know exactly what I am talking about. My need to be miserable, my fear of being happy was unconscious but it was very strong. I could get myself to feel pretty good (my idea of happy was feeling pretty good) but it never lasted long and it was so weak, the slightest little bump in the road could send me into a tailspin. I gave up. I shelved my self-improvement books, I didn't go to the Spirituality section in the book store anymore, I stopped appreciating what I had and concentrated so much on what I didn't have, 100% convinced that I would never have it. I made fun of all the positive posts on fb and quietly judged the people around me that were actively trying to be more positive. My life is good: I live in a decent apartment, I have a good job that I really love, I have a good car, I have friends and family that I can depend on, I have more now then I ever have and I have been more stable for the last 5 years then I have ever been. Despite the good in my life I just didn't see it. It was like I had poop-colored glasses on instead of rose-colored glasses.
I bought the book The Secret when it first came out, maybe 6 years ago? I watched the movie. I read all the Conversation with God books. I was trying so hard to apply the Law of Attraction to my life and it worked now & then, but I just couldn't figure out why money wasn't falling out of the sky and why my pos car was still in the driveway instead of a brand new Audi A4. I was constantly disappointed when I would ask for something, try to manifest it, and it didn't appear instantly before my eyes. I found it very difficult to ACT wealthy while I was shopping and had to make sure I knew exactly how much money I was spending and that 90% of the food in the cart was store brand. "Act as if you already have everything you desire" is what The Secret was telling me. Ok, how do I do that when I'm behind on my rent, behind on my utility bill, I have no gas to get to work, etc? But I must have missed the message back then. I wasn't ready to receive it or my negative thoughts and feelings were blocking the true message from getting through.
It isn't about ACTING like you already have what you desire. It is about feeling the feeling that you will have when you do have what you desire, feel that feeling NOW! Emotions are the key. When you are upset, nervous, irritated, sad, pissed off, grouchy, when you don't want to talk to anyone or do anything, when you say "I just don't care anymore", you are in a negative state. You are putting negativity out into the Universe and the Universe is sending it back to you. You get what you send out. It's like sending yourself a letter. If I write myself an ugly letter filled with yuck and hate and poop and sadness and boohoo meeeee, that is the letter I am going to get in my mailbox! The feeling that I get when I open a letter like that is yuckie, hateful, poopy, sad, etc. Can I blame the mailman for delivering that sort of letter to me? It's not his fault! I wrote it, I put it in the envelope, I addressed it to myself, and I put the stamp on it and sent it out! The mailman is just the messenger, it's not his fault what he's delivering! Not to mention the fact that I know what's in the letter yet I waste so much energy dreading it's arrival, then act surprised and upset when it gets to me with it's pages fully of yuck and ugliness. It really is a vicious cycle, a silly cycle, but it isn't an endless cycle. I can rewrite the letter at anytime! That's what I did, I burned the ugly letter and wrote myself a new one!
I am so grateful for my life, every aspect of my life. Every tough time, easy time, every day that I thought I couldn't make it, every day that I couldn't wait for the day to start, every person who has ever been kind to me and every person who has ever hurt me (and vice versa!)! I mediate using free guided meditations on youtube. I say affirmations everyday, Taylor and I even made what I call "affirmation beads" together. They are like rosary beads only much cooler and without the cross. I added symbols that are meaningful to me! I write in my journal. I am reading a really cool book called The Divine Matrix by Gregg Braden. It's about Quantum Physics and how we are all connected to everything, we are part of the Universe and we are the Universe. I have been reading about the Law of Attraction again. I've been reading Wendy Betterini, she has this website http://www.opentoprosperity.com and it is written so simply. I've also been to a couple of guided meditations with a friend from work and those have been just incredible! I've had a couple emotional bumps and a couple strange experiences but I have been able to center myself much easier then ever before. I find myself smiling a lot! If I do get upset I face it, I experience it, then I let it go. That ALONE is life changing! I've also realized that abundance comes in many forms, it isn't just about money. To attract more abundance into my life I imagine what it will feel like to have everything I desire and I let myself feel that feeling now! It's so simple! Just take a second to imagine what it will feel like to, oh let's say, win the lottery. Your heart starts to pound as you realize that your numbers match all the numbers in the drawing, you start smiling, laughing, maybe even crying! You are more excited then you have ever been in your entire life! Can you feel it? While you are feeling that feeling, be grateful for what you already have!
I grew up Catholic. We went to church almost every Sunday. I made my first communion, I was even confirmed. But I quit going to church as soon as I was old enough to decide for myself. It never felt true in my heart. I was pretty ugly towards any sort of religious person for a while, especially against Catholics and Christians. I really don't know why other then I was judging them. Anyway, I still remember the part of mass where the priest is preparing the bread and wine. The congregation participates in this part of the mass by saying "Lord, I am not worthy to receive you. Only say the word and I shall be healed." I was thinking about that recently and I was struck by this thought, "No WONDER I have self-esteem issues and think that I don't deserve the blessings that this world has to offer! Every Sunday I blindly repeated to myself and everyone around me that I wasn't worthy of God's love! I proclaimed it to GOD HIMSELF!!" In that instant I said out loud, "I AM worthy to receive you, Thank you for saying the word for I have been healed!" It changed my life. We all are worthy of "God's" love, whomever your God is.
Have a beautiful day! But if it's a crummy day, just for a minute try to feel what it would feel like if it WAS a beautiful day! I bet you smile!
I LOVE YOU!
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