I wanted to be a Marine Biologist because I liked dolphins

I don't think I had any real aspirations to BE anything in particular as a child, except for maybe a horse or a dolphin. I loved animals more then people but I never really dreamed of being a veterinarian. Instead I wanted to BE a dog or a tiger or a horse, sometimes an eagle. I even wanted to be a humpback whale. When we would go to the beach I would splash around in the tide pools pretending to be a mermaid. I remember diving over the waves as they came in and I could feel my flippers propelling me forward out to the deepest part of the sea....ah, I can almost feel them now.

When I was in high school I still had no real idea what I wanted to do when I grew up. I'm not sure where or when I came up with the idea of being a Marine Biologist. We used to watch Jacques Cousteau and Nature a lot. I think I was a Senior when I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Well, I like dolphins so I guess I'll be a Marine Biologist." It didn't dawn on me that by that time I had already dropped Physics (or was it Chem?) and I wasn't a huge fan of Biology 101, and I avoided math like the plague. No one, including myself, noticed that I had quite the talent for writing term papers the night before they were due and getting the best grade in the class. So off I went to college with the brilliant idea of becoming a Marine Biologist because I liked dolphins. I would have had better luck had I chosen to actually become a dolphin.

I've had the vague desire to be a writer but I never had the confidence to do it. I'm not one to follow grammatical rules and I don't know a lot of fancy synonyms for common, ordinary words. But I love to write. I have had great success in college writing classes. I remember being absent from an English 121 Comp class one day and upon returning to school a classmate told me that the Professor had read my story out loud to the class. All I could think was how grateful I was that I hadn't been there to endure the attention. I think my self-esteem was hiding under a rock somewhere. Anyway, I have started several stories that sounded pretty good, but as soon as I would allow myself the thought that hey, this story IS pretty good, I've walked away never to explore that story again.

I've been reading The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace D. Wattles. He writes at great length about becoming who you want to become and that it is our duty to advance as humans by making the most of ourselves. He says "Desire is possibility seeking expression." I, for whatever reason, have downplayed my desire to be a writer since the first time I copied Clifford The Big Red Dog into one of my composition notebooks and showed it to my Mom as if I had written it myself. I remember how impressed she acted and told me it was a wonderful story. Somewhere between then and now my desire has been hiding, trying to fly under the radar, not wanting to be noticed or expressed. Or maybe it was my diminished ego that was choking it down, telling it to shut the hell up, not wanting my desire to become real for fear that the scared, selfish little ego would be left behind.

I forgive myself for denying my desire to be a writer. I forgive myself for not giving myself the chance to live up to my potential. I love to write! I stammer and stutter when I try to verbalize my thoughts, sounding more like a blathering idiot then an intelligent woman. But when I write, while I may be rather long winded, I can articulate my thoughts plainly and in a way that people just get it, they know what I'm talking about.

In 1910 Wallace D. Wattles wrote, "Man must form a clear and definite mental image of the things he wishes to have, to do, or to become; and he must hold this mental image in his thoughts, while being deeply grateful to the Supreme that all his desires are granted to him." I desire to write. I desire to become a published, paid author. I am very grateful for what talent I do have, and I know that if I keep this desire in my thoughts, my talent will increase in such a way that I will become what I desire to become. Thank you Mr. Wattles. For a dude born in the 1800's, you got it goin on!