I started down a new road in my life back in January. I came to a fork in the road, so I took it! (Not too sure how many people will get that...moving on) I woke up and looked in the mirror at the negative, hating, envious, self-pitying cry-cry baby I was becoming and said, "I'm done. I am done with all this negativity eaking out of me like the stench from a broken sewer pipe!" And I was done. I picked up where I had left off many years ago on my investigation into the Law of Attraction and spirituality and it's been one incredible manifestation after another. But that isn't what this is about, well, not entirely.
Since Easter 3 families I know or have known in my past have been touched by the death of a loved one. Father, husband, son...I haven't seen him in 30+ years but hearing of his death brought back memories of growing up on Lester Avenue; Barton Ave Elementary School, Saxton Middle School...seeing the names of kids I had in class that I hadn't thought about since I left in 1983 and they are all grown up now, kinda like me... being so far separated by both time and space his death didn't necessarily affect me in a personal way but I still feel for his wife & kids, his parents, his siblings and I hope that they are able to find comfort in their faith. Not to sound uncaring, but his death didn't make me take pause in my journey to a life of fulfillment and happiness. I send my love and hopeful thoughts to his family and allow the memories to fade back into the past.
Then a wonderful woman I work with lost her daughter to addiction. This hit much closer to home. When I found out about it I started feeling this sense of guilt for trying to be happy while she was just starting down a path of grief and sadness. I began to feel more grateful for my life and that brought on even more guilty feelings and questions; are my feelings of gratitude for my life a judgement of her daughter's life? What is this sadness trying to take over my good, positive emotions? I thought, I can't allow myself to feel sadness for my friend because that will derail MY effort to have a better life! I must remain happy, cheerful, optimistic! I can't cry! I can't feel sorry for her or her grandchildren that she is raising, and I certainly can't feel sorry for the young woman whose life was cut short because of her own choices! Stop crying, start laughing and charge through the barriers in the way of my life of abundance and happiness!
Fast forward one week...another death, another life cut short. Another woman, equally as wonderful as the first, I work with's husband. You've got to be kidding me, right? How can this be possible? I never met him but I love her! The details don't matter, all that matters is another family is going through an unimaginable tragedy and will be affected by that one moment for the rest of their lives. The loss of a child, the loss of a husband...I think about these two ladies that I have come to love and my heart hurts. I can't stop the flow of tears that push at the dam I have built to block negative thoughts from entering into my mind and my heart. Then I realized something; feeling sadness, feeling heartache for another person, this is not negative emotion. It is love. It means that I care about them, I care about their families, I am so incredibly sorry for both of their losses, and I feel so grateful for the life I have and the things I have experienced, ALL things, good & bad, easy & hard, ugly & beautiful. Feeling sadness, feeling empathy for another human being whose life has been forever changed by a tragedy is not negative...it's what a loving person does.
Celebrate your life. I know this is a cliche, but live your life as if today is your last. Don't put off telling those that you love that you love them! Don't make a bucket list of things you want to do before you die...DO THEM!!!! Don't feel guilty for being happy when others are sad. Everyone has their own journey to take, don't belittle someone else's journey by making yours less. We all deserve to live full, happy, abundant lives and it is our choice to do so. About 7 1/2 years ago a dear man was walking to his truck after a long day of work, I am sure he was looking forward to going home to see his boys and his wife, to settling down in his chair and eating dinner, maybe calling his Dad and bs-ing with him while watching his favorite TV show until bed time...as he walked across that open space from the barn to his truck he was struck by lightening and killed. That still makes me cry to this day. I think about that man more then I thought. I let his death affect my life so much...it's a guilt thing, ya know? How can I continue to try to make my life better, how can I continue to be happy when he's dead and his family is suffering? The truth is, it is dishonoring to someone who has passed away to NOT continue to have a good life, to NOT continue to make your life better. In expanding your life, in increasing your happiness, your abundance, your love, you HONOR those who have passed away. It is right to feel sadness for the families that have been affected by their loved one's death, but it isn't right to use that as an excuse for your life sucking.
To Steve's family, to Kim and Dani: I am so sorry for your loss. May you find comfort in your faith.
Kim and Dani, I love you both. It truly has been a pleasure getting to know both of you. I will honor you and your families by living my life to the fullest, by allowing good into my life, by loving completely and without fear. I send my loving, positive thoughts to you. May the Universe embrace you with love and comfort. These tears I shed for you are tears of joy for I know in my heart that your loved ones are safe in the true love of God. I love you.
Steven, Katie and Jimmy: Have a good journey home. Infinite love and peace is there, where we all will be someday. Rest in Peace.
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