still no answer

Dear God, Dear Universe, Dear Great Spirit, Dear whomever it may concern,

please let this be over. one way or the other. please show her what is going on in a way that cannot be refutted. give her concrete proof that cannot be talked out of or be able to be explained away. please let her know what is taking place behind her back and in front of her face.

i don't have the strength to do what everyone has been telling me i need to do. everyone tells me what is best for me, tells me that i deserve better, tells me that i need to move on with my life. i can't. i want what i want. i know in my heart that its never going to happen. it feels so much like the powers that be do not care what i want, that the energies of the universe are not listening to me. thats why i am pleading with you. please, let her know. if she knows she can decide what to do. she will either leave him or she will stay but make it impossible for us. if she stays when she knows fully and without doubt what is going on, i will be able to leave. i dont know what else to ask for. i dont want to find someone else. i dont want to move on with my life, to get over him, to find happiness with another person. i am not going to ask for that. i just want her gone.

i know i am not supposed to ask for things like this and that you have no control over how she will react if and when she has concrete proof that he is having an affair. i know i am not supposed to wish for things to happen to other people so that my wishes can come true. i am so sorry! i am trying so hard to not do that! i dont want to hate her, but i do!!!!!!! i hate everything she represents, every fake moment she has in her made up little world. i hate that she represents herself to the world as the perfect little christian wife, wife of a marine, etc & so forth. she is a liar!

i'm sorry. please forgive me for my thoughts and my wishes. i do not want to hurt anyone, even her. i just need it to be over.

thank you. i know that you are listening to me, even if you have no plan to actually grant my wishes. i do truly appreciate everything that you have given me in my life. please don't think that i am not. i am very thankful for every moment i have, even the tough ones. i don't take things for granted because i know everything is a gift, even the times when i am so filled with anger and hate and the times when i want so much to walk right up to her and tell her what has been going on for the last 7 years. i know that when i feel like that it is an opportunity for me to be the better person. i am trying. i promise you, i am trying.

i do not like that i have given so much of my power to her, and to him. i do not like that i am so dependent on this relationship. i fear that i have lost myself, this time forever. please, someone please listen to me! tell her what is going on! show her! prove to her! please.