it's not my place

I'm not her mom. Hell, I'm not even her stepmom. I have known her since she was 11 or 12, mostly from a distance for the past 3 years or so. But I love her. I love her so much, probably more then I have the right to. I see where she is going, I recognize it clearly because I've been down that road, and I am afraid for her.

Her dad and stepmom raised her to know right from wrong. They laid a foundation for her that made the world her oyster. She had an incredible opportunity to see the world and have adventures that I have only dreamed of. She was raised to have morals and values, to respect people and herself. Her father taught her discipline, her stepmom nurtured her spiritually. They both showed her how much they loved her. Why now, after leaving their home to go out on her own way, has she forgotten all of that?

I know what it's like to search outside myself for love and acceptance. I think we all do. I think it is more of a rarity to find a person who genuinely loves themselves enough that they can live with or without a significant other, they have enough self-respect to say no when someone wants them to join in a ridiculous adventure that could end in disaster, and they care enough about themselves to listen to people who are older and wiser then them, to learn from their experiences, and to recognize what is good for them or bad for them. I am not one of those people. Correction, I wasn't one of those people. When I was young up until just a few years ago I was constantly on the search for someone to love me, someone to accept me, someone to show me that I deserved to be loved and accepted. It never occurred to me that I was just such a person, that I would find that love and acceptance that I so desperately needed inside myself. I think this is what my young friend is going through and I am helpless to stop it.

I have lectured her (via facebook, both publicly & privately) and argued with her new friends and family that think she is going to be just fine and life is great and swell and filled with rainbows and candy canes. She wants to hear what they have to say. She refuses to listen to those of us that know her...her sister, her uncle, her parents, me. Those of us that know her are dying inside because we are so worried about her. Her new family and friends fill her head with thoughts of romance and houses with white picket fences and smiling laughing babies that never cry or get sick or shit all over the place. That is what she wants to hear. I have tried to tell her that she needs help but I am overwhelmingly cast as the villain by the "everything is gonna be great!" crowd. Because I am not 100% supportive of her, that means I don't love her.

I want to send a message to her "boyfriend" telling him that the world is not all sunshine and lollipops, that having a sex on a daily basis with a girl he barely knows doesn't not mean he is in love with her, and having a baby is the last thing the two of them should be doing. I want to message her and tell her that her dad loves her and if she needed him he would be there for her. I want to drive across country and grab her by the ears, sit her down and yell at her until she snaps out of it.

It's not my place. I'm not her mom. Hell, I'm not even her stepmom. I'm just someone who loves her. What that gives me is the opportunity to gracefully bow out, to let her know, hey if you ever need me I'll be there but I can't stand by and watch you walk down the path I've already been down cuz while I'm ok now, I haven't always been and that path comes dangerously close to the edge. Being someone who loves her lets me let her go.

I love you Moose. I'll be here if you need me.